Faded (Minishaw)

Ch.7

- Simon has been gone for 2 weeks -

Harry's POV

I feel so lost, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, my better half is just gone, I work as a waiter at a café downtown and I'm normally the bubbliest happiest worker there. I love my job, but it's only so I can finish school and do what I really want, filmmaking and editing are my true passion. I have been upset and I look like hell, the regulars notice strait away and ask me what's wrong but I just can't talk about it, I don't want to talk about it. I'm not ready.

"Harry, come talk to me for a moment OK" My boss tells me she sounds serious

"what is it?" I ask, hoping that they have found Simon or something, but she would not know that, as I've not even told her that he left. No one knows. 

"How are you, are you OK?" she asks me as she sits me down

"I'm doing OK"

"are you? You seem depressed, are you sleeping and eating enough?"

"yeah" I lie, I don't eat, I don't sleep, all I do is cry

"Harry, I know you, you are not OK, you've been like a ghost here for the past 2 weeks"

"I'll work on it" I say

"Harry, listen to me, you don't need to do this alone, everyone is here for you if you need them OK, you can talk to me if there is something bothering you, has something happened?" she asked 

"I'll be fine" I say, I want to be brave and strong and I'm putting up this wall, I know it will brake at some point, but this is not that point.

"Do you want some time off? Get your head strait?"

"No, I can't I rather keep busy" I confess.

"what happened? Can you tell me?" She asks, I have not even told them about Simon yet and I don't think I will, I don't want to tell anyone, I've not even told my mom or dad. I just don't want to talk about it, If I shut it out it wont be real.

"nothing, I'm just stressed out, exams are coming up and I don't feel confident enough" I lie strait to her face.

"are you sure that's it?" she asks, It's like she knows that I'm lying to her, I don't blame her, I've never been a good liar, I suppose that's a good thing, but right now I need to teach myself how to convince people that I'm alright even if I feel like I'm exploding on the inside, I need to keep it together, I don't want to brake down in tears right now, I can't that would mean I would have to explain and I don't want to explain, I don't want to talk.

I get home from work and Cal and Cal are just there playing X-box, I look over to them as I come in but they are to busy to notice me and I just walk strait into my room, I think they've given up on trying to get me to talk about this. I don't know why I have not talked to anyone about this. But on the other hand I do know why

If I talk about it, then it would be real, I'm still trying to convince myself that this is only a really horrible dream and that I will wake up and Simon will just be there holding me and kissing me good morning.

"where the fuck are you?" I whisper to myself as I grab the photo that is on my night table, It's off me and Simon at Thorpe Park, we went there a year ago for fright night with all off our friends and it was also on our one year anniversary, I smile at the memory, but the memory also makes me sad, even the happy memory's that I have with Simon are poisoned by the overwhelming feeling off sadness that I get in my heart every time that I think off him. I just want him back and I don't want to go trough this life without him in it.

This night ends like every other night for the past 2 weeks. I cry myself to sleep.