All of the Lights

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Previously...

"I'm worthless! Fuck you for making me stay alive!" My screams were muffled by his shirt. He rubbed my back, shushing me. I gave up on trying to be free of his grip, because I knew there was no use.

"You should've let me die." I cracked. I fell in Sam's arms, hysterically crying. Those words were so scary, yet comforting at the same time.

"I want to die." I cried some more. Sam said nothing. He only stood there, softly rubbing my back.

"I want to die." I repeated it over and over. Sam's grip tightened around my body.

How can I be so close to him, yet feel so alone?

Sam and I stood there for a few minutes. He refused to let go of me. His hands occasionally rubbed my back or brushed the hair off of my cheek. He was silent.

"When I met you, I didn't know... I didn't know about any of this." Sam whispered.

"You were so happy to be alive. And I was so blind to everything... Nobody knew about this. Nobody even realized this was happening." His warm breath hit my ear.

"You wouldn't of gotten involved if you knew." I sniffled.

"Maybe I wouldn't of... But I'm so glad I did. Riley, I'm gonna' marry you one day. We're gonna' have a wedding, and a house of our own, and even a family. I can promise you right now that I'm not going to let you die before any of that."

"What if I don't want that?" I whispered back, giving Sam a pleading look.

Help me.

"Damn, you make this so hard." Sam sighed.

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Chapter Twenty Seven

The next few months were long and lonely. I spent most of my days inside the rehabilitation center, searching for the roots to my problems. Honestly, it sucked.

There was a short time in there where I refused to eat and drink. Because of that, I had IV's in practically all day. Sam wasn't allowed to visit me every Friday anymore. Instead it was once every two weeks.

Cody didn't visit me after our argument. I bet he's doing fine, though. He was better off without me.

My television was turned off, and I wasn't allowed to use it. I guess the doctors figured I'd watch the celebrity news channels to see what people were saying about me, which is completely true. I had an obsession with others opinions.

That was the problem. That's what got me here in the first place. I was so focused on what everyone else thought, that I didn't listen to myself.

The most important thing I learned at rehab was something that basically turned my life around. It was that people are always going to want to bring you down. Whether you're a celebrity or just a normal person, someone is always going to want to hurt you. It's your job to react to those situations. You can become depressed and suicidal, like I did, or you can become stronger than you were before.

It took me a long time to decide that I wanted to become stronger. Why would I end my life because of hate? If anything, the hate that I receive now only makes me want to try harder to be a success. I want to prove to people that I can do anything. I am who I am for a reason. I am good at what I do, and I'm only getting better.

It was now my last day of rehab. I sat in my room with Dr. Shannon, my counselor. We talked about everything. She jotted down notes on a clipboard as I went on and on.

"I'm so proud of you, Riley. I really am. You've completely changed your whole outlook on life." Dr. Shannon smiled.

"I never thought I'd hear someone say that." I shrugged, giving a small laugh.