Breaking stones (Justin Bieber )

(chapter 16 )MONSTER heart

( chapter 16 ) MONSTER heart 

2 months later 

oceans POV 

I was 7 months along now and I was quite big, living with troye was great but soon he would be moving to Australia, but he was giving me his apartment, for me and the baby's.

Justin was falling into a deep hole, I would check up on the gossip about him and he was getting worse and worse, he was drinking more, smoking more weed, he went out partying more and obviously more girls,he was truly a mess, id like to say its because I wasn't  there but I know its something that goes on in his head, I think it was the fact that he though he needed someone to love to be normal, so when he didn't have anyone he would rebel against life and become an monster to famous world. Justin would text me now and again saying things like : 

' im always thinking of you and I love you '

' your always in my heart ocean '

' I love you and I'm falling apart with out you ' 

obviously I would never reply, he made his decision that night and now he has to live with. I don't even think he knows how much he hurt me that night, I couldn't deal with it, I couldn't deal with him. sometimes when I would just be walking down the street I would see his car drive past, and my heart would feel like it was breaking all over again.

" troye I don't think I can handle 2 children " I staring at him blankly 

" yeah you can ocean your going to be a great mom " he said as he came over he hugged me tight 

"no I cant troye I cant even handle myself let alone 2 children, cant you take one ?" I said looking at him I wasn't joking maybe he could take one to Australia, loads of people split up there twins 

" your to funny ocean " he laughed then he saw I was being serious " your actually being serious aren't you " he said sitting down next to me

"yeah why not loads of people split up there twins, you can take the boy to Australia and I will keep the girl " I said trying to smile but failing miserably 

" are you sure ocean, its not even my child to take its yours and Justin's baby " he said looking a little worried 

" yeah I'm sure, Justin had his chance to be a dad and he blew it " I said 

" but he didn't know about the baby's and he still doesn't ocean " he said he sounded quite concerned 

"I didn't want him to stay with me just because I was having his children, I wanted him to love me but he didn't as you can tell " I said with a little bit of attitude 

"okay then but we wait till after the birth until we make our final decision, but right now lets go shopping for baby things " he said 

giving troye one of the baby's was the right thing to do I just knew it.

justins POV 

I was falling apart without her, I couldn't handle the pressure of fame it was getting harder to cope, she kept me sane when we were together . I made the wrong decision that night, I should have chosen her,she made me happy not this, not the music, not the constantly being judged, not the having to look a certain way and as much as I loved my fans they couldn't fill the hole that was in my heart, only ocean could fill it. I got to a point where I stopped tweeting my fans, I stopped making music and and the only songs I would write about where heartbreak songs, I stopped my tour and I slowly ruined my life, I couldn't stand living without ocean, she took up a big part of my heart, ocean was the reason I was still alive at this point, the though of her kept me alive. when she left I started to feel really low, low enough that I actually wanted to die and didn't want to live anymore, I used to be the one who was first to find the good in a bad situation but now I was the first one to freak out and cry when things went wrong, but she kept me alive, she kept me going trough the low times, she was my missing piece ..

the only things I would tweet about was her 

- I miss her 

-I want you back 

-no one can fill this hole in my heart but her ..

-I love her

- I'm falling apart

and on occasion I would tweet thing like 

- dear fans I'm going trough a rough patch in my life forgive me for losing myself but remember I'm always kidraul,also I need you all to understand that I cant go on with out HER she kept me together, she made me hole, so if one day you wake up and that Justin you guys used to no is gone then I want to say I'm sorry because it wasn't meant to be like this 

also I would tweet things like this 

-I try my best to smile for you guys but its hard, its hard to smile when your not happy, its hard to find yourself if your not 100% sure on what your meant to be looking for, its hard to live when you really don't want to, so if you wake up one morning and you find that I'm not there anymore I want you to know that I love you all , heartbreak has got the better of me...

after I tweeted things like this I would immediately turn of twitter I couldn't deal with the replies I would get from them because, they would just make me cry.

" so Justin when you starting the tour back up " scooter said I glared at him I still hadn't forgiven him for what he made me do to ocean

"fuck you scooter " I snapped 

" dude you still hating on me " he said 

"  hell yeah I'm still hating on you, and I always will until you let me go see ocean and I probably will still be hating on you after that to" I snapped 

" get over her man, she wasn't even all that, she was quite ugly to be honest" scooter said that made my blood boil, and there it was my anger and rage I couldn't control it like I used to, all I do now is lash out, so that's what I did I punched him in the face and I kept punching him until I saw blood 

"don't fucking call her ugly " I cried " she the most beautiful thing in this god forsaken  world " I said getting of him he got up and wiped his bloody face 

" I could end your career right now " he shouted 

" GO ON THEN, " I screamed " I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE, I WOULD HAPPILY GIVE THIS UP, I JUST WANT TO BE WITH OCEAN "  I shouted at the top of my voice 

" you ruined those chances months ago " scooter said walking out I lent against the wall and then collapsed the the floor then cried, what had I become, I was a monster, and I couldn't even get my  ocean back because she would never forgive me 

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vote and comment 

its kinda sad how justin feels in this chapter 

love kishana xx