Playing House

We Shouldn't Have Done This

THREE MONTHS LATER

He hated himself.

Yes, even the great Adam Ruzek wasn't immune to self loathing...and that was exactly what it was. He could still see the hurt in her eyes when he called her a whore, he couldn't believe he'd actually said it..he deserved the slap in the face she gave him.

Then he kissed her...god how he had missed her. The softness of her lips sent him into overdrive just thinking about it, he had fallen right back to the start.

He was back to living in a fog, and it was his fault.

Kim had called out again, it was the third time in two weeks. She felt like complete shit and nothing seemed to help, no matter what she ate or didn't eat for that matter she found herself throwing it up within a hour or two of eating it.

The knock on the door was a welcome sound, Joy had finally arrived.

"Alright, what do you need me to do?" Joy asked as she set the bag of groceries on the counter, "you look like shit, Kim"

Kim didn't have the strength to be offended by her sister's words, "I've got the world's worst stomach bug...it's awful" she padded into the kitchen, "I can't keep anything down" she explained as she filled her glass with water, "I'm miserable"

Joy unpacked the bag, "It's been a few weeks hasn't it?" She was familiar with stomach bugs and this seemed odd, "stomach bugs don't usually last a few weeks" she put the last package of cookies in the pantry, "and rarely result in a cookie craving"

Kim watched as Joy retrieved a small brown bag from her purse, and offered it to Kim,"what's that?" Kim asked.

"A pregnancy test...because it sounds like you could be pregnant." Joy said, "I  know you and Sean ended things a few months ago but I know it's a possibility...isn't it?"

You could've knocked her down with a feather, the small hint of color that had been on her cheeks vanished.

"Yes..."She spoke softly, she slowly sat down in the chair, "but not Sean...Adam"

That night flashed through her mind, she could feel still feel his touch. They had both been so angry, he was more than a little drunk but it was impossible to stop.

She wanted him..she needed him and now she was terrified.

"Adam?" Joy was flabbergasted, "are you two back together?"

"No" Kim answered a little too quickly, "it was a mistake"

She closed her eyes and let the idea of being pregnant wash over her, she had always wanted children but not like this and certainly not now.

Adam sat in the locker room staring at his left hand as it curled into a fist, the scar still red and angry still three months later.

"What have we done?" Kim asked as he handed her skirt to her, "this is a mistake...we shouldn't have done this"

Adam buttoned his jeans, "Kim..I never..."

Kim grabbed her skirt and quickly dressed, grabbing her shoes from the floor and taking off, leaving Adam rooted in place.

He wanted to chase after her, he wanted to never let her go again. Most of all he wanted to tell her he was sorry...he hated that he had called her such an ugly name. Nothing about her was ugly, he was hurt and angry and he did what he did best. He lashed out, he wanted to hurt her as deeply as she hurt him. At least he thought that was what he wanted, but seeing the hurt in her eyes...it was the last thing he wanted.

He had glared at his reflection in the mirror and felt disgusted by what he so, he was so disgusted with himself and he couldn't stand the sight in front of him that he balled his hand into a fist and punched his reflection shattering the mirror and shredding his hand.

He shook his head kicking the memory of that beautiful but awful the same time night out of his head, when he heard the door to the locker room slam.

"Halstead...hey" Adam stood up and greeted him, "the new mirror finally arrive? I'm really sorry about that" he spoke softly, he didn't like the sound of his own voice lately, he didn't like much about himself.

"It did..came yesterday, it had been on back order but man, you gotta let it go" Jay leaned against the locker, "have you talked to her?"

Adam zipped his gym bag up and slung it over his shoulder, "Nope..she's avoiding me. I can't really blame her though..can I?"

Jay shrugged, "I don't know what to say" he slid his hands in his pockets, "maybe give her some time.."

"I blew whatever chance we had...I called her a whore, man" Adam was mortified by his actions, "I disrespected her...she hates me. I don't blame her either"

A week later Kim found herself sitting in an exam room, a blood test was a mere formality at this point. She knew she was pregnant the test her sister has bought had told her as much, but her body was quickly cluing her in as well. She was nauseous 24/7 and her boobs were tender and she was exhausted all the time. She'd spent the last week  surfing the Internet to find out all she could.

The doctor finally returned with her results and she was certain he expected her to be pleased...but she was terrified and all she wanted to do was cry.

--NOTE---

A few shortish chapters coming up as we get to the meat of the story, thanks for hanging in. I know Adam was harsh the previous chapter but I trying to show the depths of his pain.

Anyway, just hang on...it's gonna be fun.