Bad Boy, Good Boy (boyxboy)

12 - bad lying

Chapter 12

Gina's words have dug their way deep inside my brain. They keep echoing in the back of my mind and it's making it harder for me to focus. As soon as I can, I stride out of the school building and hop into my car. I even drive to meet him, Devon, but when I see his sweet face from afar my heart sinks.

What if I am bad for him?

I could change. I could change for him. Does he want me to change? Is there a future for us even?

Before he spots me I'm driving to Sam's house. It's time to pack my things. I probably need anger management, I realize. And Devon is a great excuse. Also, I'm a bit scared of Gina. That girl could probably punch the shit out of me if she really wanted.

My phone buzzes on the bed as I throw my clothes into my backpack. This time curiosity gets the best of me and I look who it is. My father isn't a texting type, it has to be someone else.

Missed you at the bleachers. Hope you're alright.

Anonymous. Who could be anonymous? Part of me knows the answer, the other part is suppressing it, trying to drown it in misery.

Die, hope, die.

I'll lie that I was feeling sick and didn't have money for gas and then my phone died.

That thought of lying to him greets me with familiarity and the harsh truth that I'll probably never change. I might not pick fights as easily, but someone's always going to get hurt.

I twirl my phone in my hands and send it flying against the wall. It breaks into pieces while I fall face first on the bed, groaning. I don't want to change because I don't need it. I want him to make me change. But this isn't a win-win situation.

I don't even know where we stand, or where we could stand. Ugh.

Sam's mom greets me when she gets home. She has gotten so used to seeing me that she doesn't even raise her eyebrows anymore. We've had plenty of talks. All of them consisted of her worry and me begging her to trust that there wasn't anything going on with me and Sam.

"Strictly friends," I'd said, hands clasped together as if in a prayer. If she'd wanted, I would have crawled at her feet. Still there was a hidden lie in my claim. Sam and I were best friends, yes, but we kind of crossed the lines every once in a while. But we both knew what we were getting ourselves into.

"Oh, well, I guess I have to believe you," Monica had said and smiled, but her smile hadn't reached her eyes.

I chase flakes in milk with a spoon. I'm almost done with the cereal I poured, which means it's time to get up and get myself a second portion.

Monica sets the groceries on the kithcen island and sighs. "Samantha's not home yet?"

It is a bit weird that I'm there while Sam isn't. I have made a home of and on foreign grounds and consider Monica a mother figure. I hope she thinks of me as something of a son.

I shake my head.

"Okay. Well, then," she says and places her hands on her hips. "Would you like to help me with dinner?"

The question sparks a strange emotion in me and I smile. She tells me to chop vegetables for a salad. I try to eat the second portion of cereal as fast as I can and go wash the ingredients. I feel her eyes on me. She's wondering why I'm not at home. It's complicated – that's what I've always told her. She doesn't push it. Not like Heather does. But then again, Heather is my psychologist and councillor. It's her job to get answers.