Bad Boy, Good Boy (boyxboy)

23 - what is love

A/N: the reason why i haven't uploaded sooner (actually there's many): 1) writer's block, 2) trying to find the magic i had when writing, 3) working on other things, such as poetry and my big dream is to have my poetry collection published, 4) i'm lazy, 5) it's summer, 6) been painting and helping with my family, 7) avoiding everything because school is starting again and ti's going to be heaven&hell combined. 

I apologize in advance that I'm not going to thank anyone in this chapter. I've seen your votes and comments, but I haven't written your usernames down and it would take me some time to scroll etc. BUT I LOVE YOU ALL! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION!

(this chapter might be a little rushed, i'm sorry)

Happy reading x)

Chaper 23 – what is love

Devon

Where does one even begin to find love?

This is the question hanging off the edge of my mind as I'm sitting on the balcony and reading a book for English.

It's the year I'm supposed to graduate, but the only thing on my mind is how to be bad. And I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm actually very glad to be succeeding in this field which I thought I'd be useless in – being bad, I mean – but it's something I discovered to be accessible for even the lowest of the low, even for those who - in a lot of people's opinion – would never be able to do it. All will eventually succeed.

No, not even eventually, but pretty quickly once they realize what it takes.

Juan would never believe me if I told him this. He thinks there's some magic behind becoming bad. Like maybe you had to inherit it or pay for it somewhere. And you do have to pay, but not with money. You have to invest like a grade A Wall Street banker, but – again – not money. Time.

Not even a lot of it. Just some.

You have to mean it.

Don't half-ass it.

If you're going to be bad, be bad.

Still, being bad doesn't stop you from wondering about where does one even begin to find love. Now that's the real question.

When you enjoy having control, how do you just let go and let life happen? Or does it happen anyway?

I've heard there's a time for everything. Everything comes when it's the right time.

I've also heard that you'll probably find love when you stop waiting for it to come around.

How do you stop?

Is there a button I can push? A switch I can flip? 'Cause I would love to know. Love.

"What are you doing?" Gina wakes me from my thoughts.

I roll my eyes. "Reading," I say. "Are you so in the clouds that you can't spot the obvious?"

I think she's in love, but she's not telling me.

She climbs on top of the railing and rests her head against the balcony post. "You were clearly not reading. You were just pretending."

"Like you're pretending that you're not sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night?"

She clenches her jaw.

"Oh, I know," I say and close the book. I'm still at the beginning so I don't need to mark the spot. I'll just start over.