The Wait (A Lucaya Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty- Eight: The Resolution

Maya POV

"Maya, what do you mean?"

"What are we doing Lucas? I mean, we both got into some shit with each other and now that we cleared the air.. What? We go back to just being sexual objects to each other?"

"I don't know, it was just heat of the moment."

"Yeah, I know, two months since the breakup and the second we have a conversation about us we can't get enough of each other."

"It's been a hard two months.."

"Lucas, there's still so much unsaid. There's still so many questions I want to ask you.. Things that need to be said, this is all very complicated."

"That's what we are. Complicated. We've never been anything BUT complicated."

"Well I'm tired of complicated.. don't you wanna just be able to be together without our past hanging above us. It's a very loose string and it just keep pulling us back."

"When Riley said we'd destroy each other I never thought she meant in this way."

"You can't avoid heartbreak, Huckleberry, where would the world be with out it? There would be no good music, or movies, or art.. It's needs to be able to be felt to love entirely. Someone breaks your heart and when you love again.. if you love again.. you love so strongly so that person doesn't go through what you've felt. But hell if you get your heart broken multiple times, then you love harder than words can amount to."

"I've loved you for three years Maya. Not as much as I do now, but I did."

"Then, why'd you chose Riley over me?"

"I thought you were fine.."

"I was fine.. I am fine with that.. but in order for me to trust you again I can't have questions. I shouldn't have to question how much you love me. I should trust that when you tell me you love me, you mean it."

"And you don't?"

"I did. I did before you blindsided me. I did before the ground collapsed under me and all I was left with was doubt. Well here it is Lucas. If you want me like I think you do, don't leave me with doubt. I don't wanna have to doubt you."

"I chose Riley because you said I needed to. You said it was her I loved. You said you didn't like me like that."

"I'd do anything for that girl you think I wouldn't give up the boy who couldn't possibly love me for her..."

"Of course I could have loved you."

"You could have. But I didn't believe you."

"If I was so in love with Riley, how could I have possibly fallen for you."

"Because I was her. You liked the Riley that you saw in me."

"No Maya, you're wrong. You were always there. The real Maya was always there and I saw her just like I always saw the Lucas I was in Texas."

"But, you're not him anymore."

"I will always be that guy. I can't change what I did. I can't change who I am. I can change my behavior and the way I act, but change who I am? Never. For the longest time I was so ashamed of how I acted that I thought it was who I was. It was never who I was. On the other hand, I was never a 'southern gentleman' either. People change people. That's what we were taught. I thought being with Riley would make me perfect. i thought it would make me a 'southern gentleman'. You know what Mr. Matthews didn't teach us.. He never taught us that as much as we can change our behavior and become better people, we will always be who we actually are. Behavior is not personality. I was so disgusted with how I acted I thought, that's who I am. That's who I need to change. I need to be with a perfect ray of sunshine to change who I was."

"Riley did change you. She changed you for the better. She was your conscious just like she is mine."

"Yes, she's your conscious. so, she will always be a part of you. But you will always be Maya. I used to think me and Riley we so alike."

"Everyone thought you and Riley were alike."

"Riley and the Lucas I thought I needed to become were alike. But Riley and the Lucas I actually am are not as alike as everyone thinks."

"But the Lucas you actually are is just like me?"

"See that's the problem. You need more than just 'being alike' for a relationship to work. You need compatibility. For some that's 'opposites attract' for others it's 'being alike'. But for us it was something different. For us, at least to me, I was always 'This girl knows what it's like to be a person that isn't good for you. This girl loves no matter what. Unconditionally. I can be who I am with this girl and even if she is way out of my league, I won't feel like I fall short. And not because she is in any way below me, but because she loves unconditionally.' That is something I never knew I needed."

"If you're so 'in love' with me, why'd you leave because you lost feelings for me?"

"This is something I didn't understand for a very long time. I didn't know what it was but I knew for some reason we didn't need to be together. My heart was all in and my head was pulling away.'

"So, why'd you leave?"

"Because I didn't deserve you. Because I didn't know your worth. One day, about a month ago, I was sitting in my room and I thought about you. I thought about us. I thought about everything. I thought 'How could I lose a girl who was all in. She had all her chips laid out in front of me, willing to give it all up. Why did I leave that?' I realized it was because I pretended to have all my chips in front of you but, and I didn't know until now, I kept a few chips in my back pocket because I thought if it didn't happen. If it wasn't meant to be. I would have a part of me left. I wouldn't have given it all up for nothing. But you're not nothing."

"You know, I've always wanted someone to love me back as much as I loved them. I always give people my 100 percent and I was lucky to receive 70 percent in return. But with you it was different, you thought you were giving me 100 percent back but you weren't. You didn't know that and neither did I. But the thing is that, I can't just give myself back to you again. I cant jump right in again, blindfolded because I might be jumping into the shallow end. And the second I hit the water I could be hitting my head. I trusted you Lucas. You might not have known you were taking advantage of that, but you were. I don't blame you. Trust me, I don't. But I can't say that I trust you wholeheartedly because I don't."

"So what are you saying Maya?"

"I'm saying I love you, and I needed closure. But this can't just work with love. I don't trust you now. I need time for that."

"I'll wait for you Maya Hart. Lord knows you waited for me."

And as we sat in the back seat of his car, the whole rest of the world outside, I looked into his eyes as they slowly filled with tears and I believed him.

I grabbed my coat, gave Lucas a kiss on the cheek and got out of his car, leaving behind the boy I loved most.

A/N:

Longest chapter yet!! I hope you all enjoyed!