The Outcast

chapter 20. No Such Thing as Secrets

She was tiny, just as Logan predicted, and she had Cheyenne's big blue eyes. Cheyenne looked tired, and she had tears on her cheeks, but she smiled. She smiled as wide as I had ever seen her smile.

"What's her name?" The nurse asked, wanting to write it on the board. Cheyenne replied, "Alice, her name is Alice." The nurse smiled and wrote the name in big letters. Cheyenne held her closely as if she was afraid to let her go.

Soon enough I found myself holding baby Alice in my arms. I wanted to not care about how small she was. I wanted to not care about how she held my finger with her gentle hands.

But no matter how hard I tried not to care, my heart fluttered every time she opened her eyes.

"Hi, Alice." I greeted her and she looked awestruck. She stared at me with big, wide blue eyes. Then, the sweetest thing happened, she laughed. She giggled.

Every time I've met a child of my pack- or even another pack, they've cried and shown only fear. But Alice wasn't afraid, she laughed at the face of power.

I gave her back to Cheyenne and let everyone else come in.

We spent a lot of time at the hospital but we couldn't stay there all night. I eventually went home with Logan, since he let me stay with him, and we slept. Because Alice was a little premature, they wanted to watch her overnight to make sure there were no problems.

Besides, it was late and Cheyenne was too tired to go home.

Logan slept on the couch and me on the bed, even after almost an hour of arguing about it. Logan insisted on me sleeping in the bed, and I was too tired to argue any longer.

I stared up at the ceiling feeling strangely angry. I was angry at Tray for living Lily. I was angry at Logan for arguing with me.

What was wrong with me? Why was I getting angry?

I didn't want to feel this way, I don't know why I was always angry. Normal me would be sad. Sad that I couldn't make Tray happy. Sad that I couldn't have my own family, but I wasn't sad, I was angry- furious even.

Furious that I had no self-confidence, and furious that I had no confidence in Tray. Furious that Cheyenne gets a child and I don't. Have I not done enough to deserve one, just one? I wanted to kill and tear the lifeless body to shreds in front of anyone who loved them. I wanted to ruin an entire pack.

I craved the feeling of blood dripping from my snout and claws.

I was angry at God for letting this happen to me. How could this happen to me? Why is Cody dead? Why do I have to kill him again?

These things should break my heart into small pieces but the only thing I could feel is the rage growing stronger from inside me.

"Amelia!" My name was roared and caught my attention. I then realized I was not in my bed. I was gripping the throat of a stranger. The look on his face reminded me of what I looked like as my father made me leave the pack.

Afraid, and as if he couldn't believe this was happening to him.

I then noticed it was Logan who had called my name, and then I felt the ache. The rage melted away and I crumbled to the ground with complete and utter heart shatter.

It felt as if my glass heart had broken and all the thousands of pieces were stabbing me in the chest and ripping me open from the inside out. My head throbbed from the pressure of my sobs and even though I tried to compress it, I screamed in agony. The whole village was seeing this now and for the first time in my life, I didn't care about being strong.