Once I wake up, I noticed everyone is still asleep. Weird. Okay. I check the time, it's only 9 a.m. I'm probably still used to waking up early for summer school. I get up and check my phone. 4 missed calls from Shawn. What could he have been calling me about? Especially at 4 in the morning. This better be urgent. I dial his number, I hold the device up to my ear and wait for him to pick up. It's ringing and ringing. The ringing stops and he picks up. Oh crap. I wasn't sure he'd pick up.
"Amy?" He questions.
"Yeah....why'd you call me so late last night?"
"It was nothing, I just didn't know who to call."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Ehh, it was nothing."
"If it was nothing, then why did you feel the need to call me so late? You woke me up."
"It was just a stupid family matter. It's nothing."
"What kind of family matter?" I ask.
"A small one, seriously Amy it's not a big deal."
"Is that family matter the reason why you were busy yesterday?"
"Yeah I guess you can say that."
"But you weren't busy with that family matter at 4 in the morning?"
"No, it kind of ended.....I guess." Why does he sound so unsure every time he answers one of my questions. He's never uncertain. He's always confident and fun. He never sounds like this.
"What exactly ended?"
"The family thing." He says in annoyed tone.
"Did you guys resolve the problem?"
"In a way, they did."
"What exactly happened Shawn?" I'm so lost. What could have happened?
"Nothing big."
"Stop."
"Stop what? I'm not doing anything."
"Exactly. You're not saying anything either."
"What do you want me to say?" I can feel him losing his patience with me.
"Explain the situation." I try to stay patient with him, I'm not going to be the one that loses their temper over a situation that I'm not even informed about.
"Explain what Amy? That one of my family members passed away a few hours ago? That somebody I wasn't even related to left my life? Here's the situation. My dad's friend passed away due to heart failure last night. You know why I care about him? I guess I'm going to explain that to you too. He was like another dad to me. He took care of me growing up when my parents were out of town because of work. He made time for me. He always offered to babysit me. Sometimes I felt like he was more of a dad to me than my shitty ass dad. You want me to explain more? I'm sure you'd love that. He passed away last night, I haven't gotten any fucking sleep because of it. I called you because I don't know, I felt like I should. So I just explained my family matter to you Amy. Are you happy? Is everything cleared up for you?" I'm in shock. I have no words. I was wrong. So wrong. I need to apologize right now. I feel like complete crap because of this.
"What else do you want to know? Do you want to ask if I'm still busy? I'm not busy actually, because I have one less person in my life now. So my schedule is cleared Amy. Thank you for answering my fucking calls. I'm just happy I cleared everything up for you. I think I explained it very thoroughly."
"Shawn, I'm so so-" he cuts me off.
"I don't want your fucking pity Amy. Fuck off." He hangs up.
My head is spinning. My heart and head feel heavy. What just happened? He had no reason to act up like that. No. He did, actually. He just lost somebody. Of course he's angry. That's probably how he's coping with it. I screwed up. I shouldn't have pushed it. I kept pushing him. Pushing him to tell me. Just like I was pushing Jack earlier this week. Why do I do this? I always cause trouble, but how was I supposed to know? He kept trying to blow it off, I'm sorry that I was pushing it, but what do you expect me to do? It doesn't look like it, but I actually care about him. I care about what goes on in his life. I especially care about him. How he's doing with it. When is the viewing? Or even the burial ceremony?
I feel like complete shit. I push it. I fucking push it. I didn't mean to, but I did. Just like I always do. Why can't I just leave things alone? I could've just left the situation alone and he wouldn't have yelled at me like that. Then again if I did avoid it, he wouldn't have told me. Whether Shawn is sharing something positive or negative about himself, I'm still going to care about whatever it is he has to say.
This is the first thing Shawn has ever shared with me about his personal life. I'm not going to make him regret it. I have to call him back. I have to apologize. I have to do something.
I start dialing Shawn again. He has to pick up. I have to apologize. I'm so sorry.
The phone keeps ringing, but nobody picks up. I call him again, but this time it went straight to voicemail. Great. Either his phone is off or he's ignoring me.
I'm doing it again. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing this situation, I have to let him cool down. I have to give him time. He needs time with his family, he needs time with himself. If it's time he needs, it's time I'll give him.
I check my messages and see that Jack replied. Hopefully this one isn't mad at me too.
Gilinsky: Goodmorning babe. It's ok. I was just worried. I hope u had a fun time last night. I know I did. Everything is so big here, even THE FOOD!! GAHHHHH. Have you seen the food in Texas?? THEYRE CINNAMON ROLLSSSSS. THEYRE HUGE. Probably bigger than that ass of urs baby ;)
Me: Goodmorning. I'm glad you landed safely and ate some really big cinnamon rolls lmao. I'm sure they are bigger than my ass lol. When does Bootcamp start?
Gilinsky: yeah they may be bigger than ur ass, but you know which one I enjoy more ;)
Gilinsky: it starts in a couple of hours.
Me: I'm just gonna act like I never read that.
Me: Can u bring ur phone to it?
Gilinsky: No babe, I'm sorry. They're confiscating our phones so we won't get distracted. Bullshit right?"
Me: Really? :( I won't be able to talk to you for 6 days? This camp better be important.
Gilinsky: I'll FaceTime you once I'm out. I promise.
Me: Don't break it.
Gilinsky: I won't :)
