This past week has been amazing! I have literally been living my life with no absolute worries. Every time my cousins visit I just feel so high spirited and happy. I've never thought a small group of people could mean so much to me and also have this great impact on me.
I'm so bummed out that they're leaving in 3 days. I'm going to miss them like crazy. I don't think anyone quite understands how much these people mean to me. I don't even understand it sometimes, they just make me so happy. Everyone should have an amazing group of people like this. Everyone deserves this, everyone deserves people who makes them completely forget about all the bad energy in the world. They need people that take them out, not out to fancy restaurants but to simple places. Whether it's a walk to the park, a quick stop to a drive thru, a cruise around the city, having meaningful conversations with at unexpected times in the middle of the night, or even by sharing a late night snack. People who make you feel alive, like your heart is always pounding like crazy when you're with them because you don't know what kind of crazy shit will come up next. People like that, the unpredictable kind.
My thoughts are interrupted by my cousin Izzy.
"Aye, are you gonna get the pizza rolls out of the microwave or not because I'm tryna put mine in." He asks.
"Oh my bad, I was zoning out again."
"Zoning about that lil boy toy of yours."
"You guys are always trying to bring him up, dammit." I laugh off.
"Aye don't laugh so loudly or else grandma is gonna wake up and get mad at us."
"Shit, sorry." I remember that it's 2 in the morning, I also remember the fact that my grandma hates it when we stay up. I wouldn't want her to get mad, she doesn't need that unnecessary bad energy. We love and cherish our grandma and we also respect her rules, but we're young and hungry. What would else would expect from teens in the summer? I know quite a few people my age that are getting: pregnant, arrested, high, involved in gang activity, tattoos etc. My cousins and I are part of the good kids category. All we mainly do is stay up late at night, eat large quantities of pizza rolls, and share stupid memes with each other. Yup. That's basically all we need.
While I take out my pizza rolls, I remember that Shawn and I haven't spoken in a week as well. I mean I know we're not obligated to speak, but I've left him about 4 messages apologizing for my immaturity. I just hope he understands that I'm truly sorry for the way I acted, I know he's taking his time coping with his loss so I guess I shouldn't once again "push it". He needs his space I get that.
I grab my phone and sit down on the air mattress while I eat my plate full of food. I go through Instagram but it's super dead right now. So I go check my snapchat and see if anyone is up or doing anything interesting. No snaps, the usual. Oh wow, Cameron seems to be on snap. Let see what's up with him. Hopefully I see some of Jack on his story. He's been busy with going out with his team in Texas. Cameron's a good friend of his and I know they're hanging out together.
Okay I see that they went out to eat earlier with their team, I see another snap of him and Jack getting ready to go out. Jack looks so cute, he's just wearing a tank top and jeans, but I've never seen anyone look so good in that. Okay they're at a party, it doesn't look so bad. I hope they don't end up doing something stupid. Okay Cameron and Jack are being stupid and dancing in the middle of this huge crowd. They seem to be at a house party, and by the way they're dancing they look pretty drunk. Oh God. I hate it when Jack gets drunk, he can't think straight. Okay I see that they're taking shots. I'm surprised Jack didn't post anything on his snapchat story, while Cameron is just spamming his. Okay I see that Cameron is just running around this house while laughing his ass off for no reason. Now he's just opening doors and giving his snapchat audience a "house tour". All he's doing is opening doors and shouting phrases at each one.
I have to admit that it's a nice house, a big house actually. I wonder who invited them. Okay now Cam just intruded on a couple making out in the restroom. Nice one, Cam. The guy kind of looked familiar, he's probably another guy on the football team. I feel like I recognize his tan skin and dark hair. I replay the snap and see who it was. Let's see.
I review the snap once again and realize who it is. I bolt out of the air mattress and head straight to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and try to steady my breathing. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't speak. I look at myself in the mirror and see the my flushed face. I'm red as hell with tears streaming down my face. It hurts. I can't keep up with my breathing. I can't keep up. My heart, I can feel it. It's beating so quickly and so heavily. I feel....I don't know what I'm feeling. I feel so fucking betrayed right now. Fuck.
This can't be real, this can't be him. Tell me I'm fucking dreaming. Wake up Amelia. Wake up. I can't stop crying. Stop crying, Amy. You're bigger than this. Stop it.
They feeling is getting worse and so is my patience. I replay the snap and realize it was the only one deleted. Cameron knew. He knew what he did. They both do.
"Let it stop." I whisper to myself.
"Please let it stop." I whisper to myself once again while I clench my fists at the bathroom sink.
Let this feeling stop before it kills me.
