I haven't talked about it to anyone. I don't want to tell my cousins because I really don't feel like breaking down right in front of them. They're leaving tomorrow night, so I've been silent for a couple of days now. I would tell them, but it's just I don't want them worried about me or anything. I also don't want to sadden them on their visit. Their visit here is about them not about my crappy love life. So I'll just keep my mouth shut until then. I haven't even talked to Jack about it.
How do I even bring up a topic like that up? "Hey Jack. Thanks for not only cheating on me, but also for breaking my heart. I'm done with your shit." I think to myself. I just hope when he comes back, he has the decency of telling me instead of trying to defend himself. I know what I saw, I know it was him, and I know he's a liar.
I've honestly been a mess these past couple of days. I know I'm a mess most of the time, but I'm actually a mess. I can barely keep myself together. I don't have the energy to do anything. I feel so helpless and weak. I can't do anything. I can't listen to music without crying. I can't think without thinking about what he did. I can't eat without throwing up afterwards. I can't sleep. I try to sleep. I really do. But I can't. I can't do anything. I can't tell anyone, it's just embarrassing. My cousins even got a bad vibe and they have never even met him. I should've just listened.
I just can't believe he did that. I'm in such shock. Sometimes I actually doubt it and act like I just imagined it. But I didn't. I saw it. Even Cameron saw it. Fuck, my head hurts. It hurts so much. This is such bullshit. How can this happen? What did I do? What made him do it? Why wasn't I on his mind? Why her? Why me? What did they do? Did they do more than that?
I just can't wrap my head around this situation. He's not like this. He was never like this. We've never had a problem like this. He's not this kind of person. He isn't the same guy he was when we first met.
*Flashback to early April 2013*
"I don't know about this, Johnson." I say very hesitantly.
"Trust me, he'll want to be introduced to you. Just follow me lead, alright?" He says.
"Please don't make me regret this." He leads me to his group of friends. Don't screw this up, Amelia. Just breathe. It's going to be okay.
"Ladies, this is Amelia Lawrence. She's a good friend of mine, she's going to be kicking it with us today." He introduces while his arm is around my shoulder. I look at his group of friends. They seem pretty nice. I know who they all are, I've just never really spoken to any of them besides Johnson.
I see Cameron, Carter, Matthew, Aaron, Taylor, Shawn, Nash, and of course Jack. There's about 9 of them including Johnson. They actually have a pretty big group, if you ask me. I settle down on one of the three benches they had and just drank my juice meanwhile. I caught Jack glancing at me, but he would just look away immediately. I want to say something, but I'm afraid that I'll end up stuttering. So I guess I'll be staying silent.
The rest of the guys finish eating, and decided to get up and walk around campus. So of course I tag along. I tend to cling on to Johnson since he's the only one I actually know. We walk pass the school gym, and start heading on the grass area. The group of boys are in the front of me while Johnson and I stay in the back.
"Talk to him!" He tells me.
"Why? If he was actually in to me, he'd talk to me."
"Trust me he is, but he's just weird when it comes to actually having feelings for a girl."
"I'm still not talking first."
We suddenly stop in the middle of the grass area and the guys start being really loud all of a sudden. They seem to be yelling at someone. I try to see who they're messing with. I get closer to them and see that they're saying something to Jack.
"Come on Jack! Stop being a pussy man." Aaron says to him.
"I'm not a pussy man. Give me time." He answers.
"She's right there bro, just go for it." Matthew says while pushing him towards me.
Now there's a circle of his friends surrounding us. They start cheering him on, but Jack looks so flushed.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Y-yeah. I'm just weird. I'm sorry." He says while looking down on me. He's so cute. Why is he in to me?
"It's okay. I'm weird too." I reply.
"Do you wanna walk around?" He asks me.
"Yeah, I'd like to."
We make our way out of the circle, and start walking out of the grass area. I can hear his friends cheer from a distance. I laugh to myself while I hear them.
"What are you laughing at?" He asks out of curiosity.
"Nothing, it's just your friends are just weird and loud." I say lightly.
"Trust me they only get louder and weirder."
"I believe that." The end of lunch bell rings. Crap. I actually wanted to talk to him now.
"Hey I'm sorry. I have to start heading to class or I'll end up being late." I tell him.
"Where's your class at?" He asks.
"On the right hand side of the gym."
"I'll walk you." He says with an awkward smile. Like I said, so cute.
"You don't have to. I wouldn't want you to be late."
"Being late to Mr. Landrum's? Trust me, you'll be doing me a favor." He laughs.
"Fine, have it your way."
"I always have it my way." He says with an evil smirk.
"I'm not sure if you're trying to be seductive or weird." I laugh.
"Well I mean if it's not seductive, then I guess it's weird then."
"Definitely."
We talk about ourselves a little bit. Tomorrow we're actually hanging out at lunch again. Like one-on-one hanging out.
We're outside my classroom door, he looks like he's about to say something, but he kind of hesitates a little.
"Sooo...." I try to play off.
"Sooo....I was wondering...if I could, maybe get your number?" He asks the most adorable smug on his face. Oh my God.
"Yeah sure." I respond. He gets his phone out and clicks on the contacts app. He hands me his phone and watches me intently as I put my number in.
I hand him
"Thanks. So um, can I give you a hug before you leave?" So awkward, yet so cute.
"Of course you can." I say with a smile. He spreads his arms out and pulls me in for a hug. My head lightly rests on his shoulder for a moment, before he releases.
"I'll text you tonight." He says while walking away.
"I'll be waiting on it, bye." I wave.
*Flash forward to early May 2013*
"I know we've only known each other for about a month, but I feel so alive around you Amy. You make me feel weird inside, but it's a good weird. I know I'm not in to the kind of stuff, but for you... I am. Give me a shot, please?" Jack asks me sincerely.
I can't believe he just asked me to be his girlfriend. This is crazy. This is all happening so fast. I'm just scared I'll end up regretting it. Jack is an amazing guy and all, but I mean what if he breaks me heart once we get together? I can't deal with that. I like him, but I just don't know.
"Please Amy. You know me. You actually know me. I won't hurt you, I promise." He says while looking deep in to my eyes. His eyes are so dark, yet so beautiful. How could I say no to those taunting dark orbs?
"Okay....let's give it a shot." I smile at him.
He rests his hands on my waist and smiles down at me. "You won't regret this." He whispers. He starts leaning in, until we both jump out of interruption.
"You two need to get to head on to class before I give slips to you both." Our principal Dr. Belcher orders. "You two are also aware of the rules that were given to you in the assembly that was held back in December, no PDA is allowed on campus. This is just a warning. Now go." God, I guess we'll have to finish that part later.
Jack pulls me in for a hug and whispers "See you later babe." In to my hair. Oh my, how I love the sound of that. I just nod in response and start walking to class.
Guess who has a boyfriend now?!
*Flashes back to the Present*
I was such a stupid freshman that made a stupid choice. Now I'm going to have to deal with the consequences that come with my stupid actions.
