It's been 24 hours since that little surprise Jack gave me yesterday morning. I'm not really a dirty minded person, but I have thought about sex. I'm not going to lie, I'm at the age where sex is a popular thing to do and everyone seems to be on board with it. There's nothing wrong with already experiencing sex, and there's nothing wrong with not experiencing sex yet.
There's two types of people in this world; the ones who value sex and virginity, and then there's the ones who think it's nothing but a small experience. I on the other hand, yes I do value virginity. I think virginity represents this innocence you have been carrying around with you for your whole life. It's also something that impacts you more emotionally than physically. Well in my opinion, I believe that once you sleep with someone you have officially let your guard down. You have let them explore you for your pleasure and their pleasure. You have let someone see the stories written all of your body. You have let someone value them, value your stories, value their shapes and textures. That's what sex is to me. A commitment and also a new level of maturity that you have reached.
After reaching that new level, you're a woman. You have accepted the consequences that may or may not happen while experiencing it. You have finally let someone accept you for who you are, how you are, and how you're built. That person that steps in for your first time will carry on the last piece of innocence you were holding back and protecting.
I wouldn't give a piece of myself away like that, because once I do, there's no going back. A few months later, if someone brings sex & your first time up in a conversation then your mind will automatically relive that moment. That moment you realized you aren't pure anymore. You wouldn't want to regret that moment. You wouldn't want to remember that moment if you do end up regretting it. Because once you do, it's lost forever.
Jack and I are both virgins. We're saving it up for each other. I know my piece of innocence won't be lost forever, but will be kept and protected. I know he'll be responsible with it, he won't brag about it to his friends, he would value that special ceremony that'll live in our minds forever.
As I was dozing off, I reminded myself that there's still an hour left of class left. I'm sick of this class already, i only have the rest of this week of summer school left and I'm finally done! My cousins from Cleveland finally arrived last night and I wasn't there to see them! I'm seeing them right after class, Jack is going to drop me off at my grandma's house today. I want to spend as much time with my cousins these next couple of weeks since I only see them once every year, but Jack is leaving on Friday for this weird field trip thing to Dallas, Texas. He's going to this football boot camp for a week, and then he's going to go sightseeing and traveling around Dallas for another week with his team. Yeah I'll miss him, but I'm glad he'll have fun with his team. I know he has a passion for football, so I tend to act like having him far away from me for 2 weeks isn't bothering me. I know it's not that much time, but I'm just so attached to him. I hope he enjoys his trip as much as he can. I really do. He deserves it all.
By the time I'm done being in my own little world called my mind, I realize that Mary just moved two seats down to come and talk to Shawn. Here she pops up again, she's always trying so hard to get his attention, it's starting to get embarrassing.
"So what program are you in?" She asks him in the most annoying and flirtatious tone.
"I'm new here, so I don't really know the name. I'm sure it's some low program." Shawn replies casually.
"No, I doubt that. You're pretty smart, I always see you writing down notes in class." God, she's so annoying.
"I get C's on the tests in here, trust me I'm barely average." He tries to laugh off.
"I'm failing this class sooo." She says jokingly.
"I don't think that's something you should laugh about." He says lightly.
"So what are you doing after school? Are you busy?" She asks.
"No I'm not, actually." What the heck. He has practice obviously. Why would he lie for her?
"Do you want to go grab something to eat? There's a burger place I know about 2 blocks away."
"Yeah I'm down."
And the bell finally rings. I couldn't stand that conversation anymore. She's so annoying. You can tell she has this terrible flirtatious personality going on. What if Shawn doesn't walk me? He never misses out on walking me. Is he really going to go with her instead of me? Shawn. I know you're better than that.
He's standing outside of the class's railway, I don't know if he's waiting for me or for Mary. So I'm just going to pass by him. I don't look at him, pay any attention to him, and walk right past by him.
Someone suddenly grabs my wrist, adding pressure on to it. I turn around to see who it could be. Guess who it is? It's Shawn. Wait. It's Shawn. Shawn is grabbing my wrist. Why is he grabbing it? I look up at him and catch him already looking at me. He has this concerned look on his face. His eyebrows are furrowed together and he has this frown stuck on his face. I've never seen him frown, he's facial feature are too soft for him to frown.
"Where's your girlfriend Mary?" I snap.
"What are you talking about?"
"Thought you were gonna go on a lunch date with Mary?"
"Why were you being nosy?" He says with a smirk. Wait why was I being nosy? He does have a point. I just was. I literally have no explanation, while I was thinking about a snarky response, I noticed his hand was still holding on to my wrist.
"Let go of me." I remove his hand off of my wrist and continue walking. I can hear his steps catch up to mine.
"You didn't answer my question. Why are you being nosy? You're not like that." I wasn't being nosy. They were just whispering really loudly. He walks right in front of me which causes me to stop, he then places his hands on my shoulders. "Can you please answer me? It isn't a big deal." He's looking straight at me, his eyes refuse to leave mine.
"I wasn't being nosy. She's just annoying and obsessed with you." He looks surprised.
"She is? She's in to me?" He says with some confidence in his tone. No he shouldn't be flattered, she only cares about his looks. She doesn't care about what he has to say.
"She's only in to you because of your looks. Don't flatter yourself too much, she doesn't care for the thoughts that go through your head."
"Nobody cares about that kind of stuff anymore, Amy."
"I do." He looks astounded. As those words roll off my tongue. "I mean I do, if I didn't then why would I stick around with Jack for so long." I add on. "You two are rare. There isn't a lot of your kind. Maybe she's not as bad as you thought. She's cute and in to me? Give me one valid reason why I shouldn't give her a shot." I just did like two seconds ago! She doesn't care about you! She doesn't care about anything but your looks! Why can't that sink in to his brain.
"Trust me, Shawn." I tell him. "I won't lie to you, I know she's just not right for you." I look up at him with the most sympathetic look on my face. Please listen. Trust me.
"Fine." He sighs. "I trust you. I won't go out with her, only because I actually give a shit about your opinion compared to everyone else." Thank God! He has some faith in me.
"Shall we?" He puts his hand out and points at the route to the front gate. He's so sweet.
"We shall." I smile at him.
"So your cousins are finally in town?" He asks.
"Yes! How do you know?"
"You've been talking about them these past three weeks, trust me I heard you the first time." He laughs.
"Shut up. They mean something to me, more than you ever would." I say lightly.
"You're so negative. I'm nothing but a positive impact on you."
"You're also one of the main reasons I have headaches on a daily basis."
"You care so much about me, that you have stopped caring about yourself."
"The world doesn't revolve around you."
"I bet yours does." He says with that stupid smirk of his.
"Keep on wishing Mendes." I say as we pass the gate and finally cross over to the front.
I see that Jack is on time today. He needs to wash that mini van again, it's been three weeks. Dammit Jack.
"I see Jack, so I'll see you tomorrow. Bye Shawn!" I wave at him while I walk in to the van. He waves back at me through the passenger seat's window.
There he goes, back in to school. Here I am, back in to the same routine as well.
