My cheeks feel so flushed. I feel as if they're a thousand little ants crawling inside of each cheek of mine. I feel...I don't know what I feel at the moment. I'm infuriated. I'm not even in the mood to eat anymore, I just want to go home.
"Take me home, please." I say in a low voice as I keep my eyes on the dark road ahead of us.
"You don't wanna grab a bite anymore?" Johnson questions. "It's on me, remember. You don't gotta worry about paying or having enough money. I got you" he says sincerely.
"I'm not hungry, just take me home." I demand. I continue looking out the window, I observe the lights from the intersection, the line of cars slowly starting to pile up, the faint car honks you can barely hear in the background. As we're driving through the intersection, I look on to my right and see what it seems to be a couple talking? I'm not quite sure. The guy is driving while the girl is expressing her words through obscure hand gestures. She appears to be yelling at him for some odd reason, while he keeps his eyes on the road. I can tell he's slowly losing his patience. He's avoiding eye contact and his hands are gripping the wheel. He still hasn't said anything while the girl is still going off. She seems so angry, every time she opens her mouth, you can see a vein immediately pop out of her forehead. It's kind of amusing yet kind of intimidating. I can't help, but laugh to myself a little bit.
The guy seemed like he was about to say something, until Johnson continued driving. As bad as it sounds, their argument was somewhat amusing. Shawn would've loved to see that. The idea of him made my jaw clench. He thinks he knows everything about me, and he thinks he knows the answer to everything when he doesn't. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know how to handle situations. He doesn't know how to control his anger. He doesn't know. He doesn't know me.
That couple's car argument reminded me of me and Shawn's argument. It was so blown out of proportion. He didn't have to yell. I didn't have to yell. I didn't have to slap him for crying out loud. I knew I could've handled the situation better, but, but he just gets me so mad. He thinks I'm stubborn, but he is too. He's the same.
My stomach feels odd. I feel butterflies, or I think I do. It feels like there's a swarm of butterflies just circling round and round in my stomach. My stomach is taking dives. High dives. I suddenly feel full, like I just ate a few burgers myself. I haven't eaten though, I haven't even had an actual meal today, I have just been snacking. My head is starting to pound, my head feels heavy. I sit back on the passenger seat and rest my head back. My head feels so heavy, while the rest of my body can barely hold up.
I feel hot. I feel super hot. I adjust the AC in Johnson's car, but even the highest mode isn't helping. I need air. I need it now. I turn to Johnson "can you please pull up to the side of the road, I need air. I don't feel well." I tell him. He turns and looks at me and a concerned facial expression takes over his face. "You look pale. Are you sure you only want some air?" He asks.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Alright." He slowly pulls in to a gas station and parks behind the mart. He unlocks my car door and I quickly open the door and slam it behind me.
I need air, and lots of it, I think to myself as I walk around in circles. I can't think straight. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. Why am I so scared? I feel terrified, I don't know why. I feel so fragile, I feel like I'm just going to collapse. The only thing I can think about is the look on Shawn's face after I slapped him, how dark and hollow his eyes appeared. His eyes were so empty that I could hear my thoughts haunt through them, I can hear them slowly echoing, slowly circling back to me. He's the only person I can think of right now. The only person that can comfort me right now. The only person I can picture hugging me right now. He's the only one.
I keep on walking in circles around the small parking lot behind the mart. I can't stop shaking, I can't stop trembling. I want it to stop, I want this heavy feeling to stop now.
I suddenly feel a hand lightly touching the lower part of my back, I turn around hoping it was Shawn. It's not, it's Johnson. His blue eyes are darted on me, but I don't want to look up. I feel so weak.
He slowly places his free hand on my side, right above my hip. I want to just cry, but I can't. I don't have any energy to.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks softly.
"I don't know, I just got sad out of nowhere. I'm s-sorry." I reply, still looking at the ground. He pulls me in for a hug, and my head rests right on his shoulder.
"I think you just experienced a panic attack, but that's completely normal. You have nothing to worry about." He says. His words somehow calm me and my nerves down. I notice that I have stopped trembling and my breathing is normal. I'm okay. We're okay.
Johnson starts rubbing my back and we just stand there for awhile. It all felt like so long. The panic attack seemed like it last forever even though it probably only lasted like twenty minutes. I'm just glad it's over. I feel normal, and I appreciate that. It just scared me, I was just afraid. I don't know why I was so scared, but I was. But it's over now and that's all that matters.
"You wanna get in the car and go home now?" Johnson asks while his arms are still around me. I nod in response. He releases me from the hug and we start walking towards the car. He walks around the vehicle to approach his door. He opens it and enters the car. I open my door and take a seat. He starts the engine and turns on the radio to some hip hop station. I like hip hop, but it's not my favorite. So I just sit there slowly bobbing my head to the beat, since I don't know the lyrics to most hip hop songs.
"You can change it if you want, I don't really care." Johnson says while driving.
"Really?" I ask with slight excitement. I love being in charge of the music when I'm in someone's car, it's like a sign of trust, it's like 'hey I trust you enough to fill my car with good enough music for me to drive to', it's like that.
"Go for it, kid." He says. I start surfing through the different stations until I find something I'm familiar with.
After thirty seconds of station surfing and the clicking of buttons, I finally find a station that I am actually very familiar with. I click on button four, and 102.7 KIIS FM appears on the small, green screen. The voice of Ryan Seacrest fills the car as he announces the next upcoming song. "Love Runs Out" by One Republic starts playing, and the mood starts to set. Johnson reaches for the radio and turns up the volume, I'm glad I got his blessing.
We start singing for what it felt like hours, we sang some Ed Sheeran, Rixton, Ariana Grande, and even some Charlie XCX. I'm glad I have a friend like Johnson. People don't really appreciate him, a lot of people don't notice him. He always seems to be portrayed as Jack's 'sidekick' which I hate, Johnson is twice the man that Jack will ever be. He's a great guy, with a great heart, and genuinely cares about people. I don't deserve him, especially after I was demanding him to take me home earlier. He didn't deserve that.
"Hey, I'm sorry for being mean to you earlier. I really didn't mean it like that, I was just in one of my moods." I apologize.
"Don't trip, it's all good. I didn't take it personally. We all have those moods where everything seems so shitty." He says, and turns away from the wheel and smiles at me.
We continue singing a few more songs, until he starts pulling up in to my driveway. I start unbuckling my seatbelt and get ready to open the door and head out. Johnson reaches for the radio and changes it back to that hip hop station again.
"Thank you for everything, Johnson. You've been so good to me, and I just feel like I really don't deserve you as a friend." I say. He leans in a little bit and says "if you think about it, nobody deserves me. That's why I'm single, because I'm in a relationship with myself. I deserve me." He says while laughing. Here he goes again.
"No, the real reason why you're single is because you can't commit to one girl." I laugh. He actually can, but they somehow always end up leaving him, and then he eventually finds someone else within the course of 24 hours.
"Shhhhhhh." He says as he laughs. "Now get out of my car, I'm tired of babysitting you."
"But you're the best babysitter ever." I joke.
"I know, but this babysitter wants to go grab a burger since the kid didn't want any."
"Bye Johnson." I say as I open the door. I walk up the steps and open the door. I close the door behind me and take a deep breath. Home at last.
(I'm so sorry for the late update, I've been so busy with school and all. I hate being a junior sometimes lol, but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I will definitely be updating this upcoming week. Thank you for being so patient with me and this story. I appreciate you all, and I hope you enjoy the story even more after reading this chapter. Love you guys. -Giselle)
