fixing the unfixable -phan neko (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 35- Disturbed

Phil's P.O.V

I must have been lay there, eyes closed, for hours.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't quieten Jason enough to sleep.

As much as I wanted to doubt what he was saying and ignore him, I couldn't.

Everything he was telling me was true.

The more he said, the worse I felt and it didn't take long before a familiar itching sensation crept it's self onto my wrist.

At first just scratching was helping but the longer he spoke, the stronger it grew and before long I was desperate for my blade.

I was about to wake Dan and ask him for help, knowing he helps me control it, but before I could even turn in his grip, Jason's voice boomed across the inside of my skull.

'Don't you think you've caused him enough trouble for him today? He's been worried enough after your last pathetic display' He spat, reminding me of my previous actions.

'Do you really think he'll stay with you if you keep bothering him  the way you are?' He questioned; venom in his voice.

I shook my head gently, biting my lip to stop both my tears and upcoming whimpers from falling from my mouth.

I didn't wan to break the silence in the room in case he was right.

I couldn't imagine myself away from Dan and I'm not going to let my own selfishness break us apart.

'That's right. Get up and cut quietly, save Dan the bother and don't burden him anymore.' Jason told me in a much softer voice, coaxing me onwards.

I gave him a small nod before slipping from Dan's grip, being carful not to wake him, and heading to the bathroom.

I had hid my blades in his overhead cabinets when I had first started to stay with him and I'm almost positive he never realised.

About two minuets into my search it was confirmed he hadn't when I took a hold of my all too familiar box.

I chose the blade labelled burden, finding it appropriate for the current situation and got started.

Jason helped to remind me all of the reasons I deserved each ounce of pain.

'Burden'

'Annoying'

'He's going to get sick of you if you don't discipline yourself more'

'You upset him earlier'

'You have no right worrying him like that'

'selfish'

'useless'

'fuck up'

'slut'

'whore'

'self centred'

'attention whore'

The above insults and many more received at least one cut and by the time I was finished there was a thick coat of blood puddled at my feet and countless separate streams of blood trickling down both of my arms.

My tears were mixing with the pool and my lip was still clenched painfully tight between my teeth to hold in my silenced sobs and leaving  a bitter metallic taste on my tongue .

I can't bother Dan anymore. He can't leave me.

After I had cleaned I was still a mess.

There were small splashes of blood on my clothes that, at first glance, would go unnoticed but my puffy red eyes and endless tears were far from over.

My entire body was aching from the pain of supressing my cries and my head was spinning.

That's when Jason's suggestions had always seemed the best things to do in the past.

Tonight was no different because as soon as I went into the cabinet to return my now washed blade, his words seemed more right than ever.

'You can't go back to bed looking as pathetic as you do now. You need to numb your pain and stop crying. Take a few pills. A small overdose won't kill  you.' He advised me and I don't know if it was my tiredness or the fact that I wanted to stop feeling the way I was so desperately but I complied without argument.

I grabbed the front bottle and opened it as quietly as possible, hoping that Dan would sleep through any sound.

I opened it quick and took 5, swallowing each one dry.

There was no effect at first but I wiped my tears and headed back to bed.

Soon, my entire body lost all feeling and I could finally fall asleep, pain free.

In the morning I was first awake and as I opened my eyes I had to rub them to rid of some of the cloudiness.

I awkwardly stretched, still lay down in Dan's hold, and I tried not to wake Dan but my tail moved freely, managing to swipe across Dan's face and he began to stir.

Feeling him grow more wrestles, I turned around in his loose grip and so when he first opened his eyes he was immediately met with my own.

"Morning." He spoke with a raspy morning voice.

"Morning." I replied, mine equally as scratchy but nowhere near as hot as his.

He let go of me and began to stretch himself before sitting up, Me following close behind.

I shook my head, ridding of the rest of my tiredness before standing up.

As soon as I did my head began to spin slightly but I ignored it, hoping it would soon go away.

"You okay?" Dan asked, standing up himself now, and walking up behind me, wrapping arms around my waist.

'remember.' Jason's voice echoed through my mind, reminding me of his past thoughts on this action.

I pulled away from Dan's grip and he gave me a confused, concerned look.

"Don't worry. I feel sick." I told him, giving him a weak smile.

It wasn't exactly a lie, my head was now pounding and my dizziness was only getting worse.

Not only that but I felt sick to my stomach and it was as if I was going to throw up any moment.

As it grew impossibly stronger I began to rush to the bathroom, my dizziness unbalancing me more and more.

Soon, I lost sight of the door which was once in front of me and everything went black.

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Hey guys, this might sound over dramatic but I was in the exact same situation a few months back and after doing it, I had everything happen to me the next morning, word for word. Anyway, sorry this one was slightly shorter than usual but I thought that would make a good ending. my question this week is if you could be any animal what would you choose to be. I choose a cat. that's all I have to say so thank you for proof reading @writtinggirl22 and yeah... bye bye.