Fragments

7.3

7.3

When I wake up, I feel like I'm dreaming. I try to blink the fogginess away but my eyes never quite focus on the room around me. I'm a daze all the way through rubbing my face and waking up. I raise my arm, still heavy and half asleep, to block out the sun. It's then that I see the ugly, purple bruises on my wrist and last night comes back in flashes.

        The tears are in my eyes before I can even get out of bed. I'm a mess all the way through the quiet house, holding in the sobs so I didn't lose control of myself. Trevor's death replays in random sequences along with the memories of last night, mixing them all together into one giant, haunting mess.

        I don't know where he is, but I find Adam passed out on the couch and do my best to avoid waking him. The last thing I want is for him to see me.

        When I have the bathroom door locked behind me, I cover my mouth and lean against it, trying not to make a sound while I cried. I let myself break for only minutes before putting myself back together in front of the mirror. I wipe the tears from my eyes and wash my face. There's so much more I want to do to rid the memory of last night, but I can't bear to stay in the house any longer.

        I want to go home. And right now, the only one I have is with Reesa.

        My hands shake as they brush the mess of hair away from my face. I'm teetering on the edge, ready to fall apart at any second. My reflection shakes as I open the mirror. Inside the shelves are sparse, except for a few pill bottles. I halfheartedly read the descriptions before stuffing a handful in my pocket and a few in my mouth. By the time I'm bundled in my jacket and opening the front door, I start to lose feeling in my feet and hands.

        Auto-pilot kicks in before I make it past the first block on the way to Roman's apartment. I'm thankful that the pills heat my body, bracing me against the cold, blowing snow. It falls down in swirls, landing in heaps on the roads. Even the sidewalks are covered and the powder falls into my combat boots. By the time I make it to the apartment, the streets are just beginning to be cleared and the sun is just starting to wake up the city.

        The elevator threatens to lull me to sleep as I go higher and higher, causing me to close my eyes. I'm daydreaming, playing inside my mind when the lift suddenly shudders and the doors open to the new floor.

        My boots clunk against the carpet all the way to the door. I knock but try the door anyway, praying to whoever decides my fate that Reesa is home. It buckles but doesn't move when panic tries to kick in. I bang on the door a few more times with determined effort but no sound comes from inside.

        I sink against the door until I'm slumped on the carpet. There was nowhere else for me to go and I was too dazed to force myself to move again. My eyes close of their own accord and I drift softly into the numbness of unconsciousness.

        "Piper."

        You get what you deserve.

        The memory pulls me down until surface fades out of sight. I let myself drown in it, in Trevor, in last night, in everything that's ever hurt me. I'm ripping myself apart inside but somehow I keep breathing.

        I loved him.

       "Piper?"

        He tore me to pieces and yet I still miss him. I'm still sorry he died. I'm still guilty.

        A hand on my shoulder forces me to open my tired, red eyes.

        "Oh, Piper."