Fragments

9.9

9.9

I put one foot in front of the other, trying to push away the thoughts that haven't left me since they started last night. Carter waves from the driver's seat of a beige Sedan. Inside, I force a smile.

"Hi."

"How are you, Piper?" He looks a bit nervous as well, but for a different reason.

"Fine," I respond as we begin the short drive to the cemetery. "How was your Christmas?"

He shrugs. "Nothing special. Spent it alone this year."

"Alone?"

"Didn't want my parents ruining the holiday. They went to my aunt's to spread their Christmas grief with family there, and I figured being alone was better."

"Was it?" I ask and instantly wish I could take the words back.

Carter's silent and I worry I've offended him before he finally speaks, his voice raw. "It would have been if my brother was there."

He's honest and though I know he doesn't blame me, it still hurts a little. But it hurts because of how I feel. Carter lost his brother and this was his first Christmas without him. I don't know how awful that must be.

"I was thinking we could stop at the 7-11 on the way," he says as we turn onto Main Street. It's still decorated for Christmas with big red ribbons dusted in snow and all the storefronts holiday displays. "I wanted to get something," he said nervously, "for Trevor."

"That's okay." I give him a small smile as we pull into a small parking lot a few stores away. "I need to pick up some things anyway."

Inside, I peel off, pulling my wallet out of my coat pocket as I look for something normal to buy. I want to text Sasha to ask her advice but don't have the courage to tell her in a text message. As I browse isles I wonder, what would Sasha do?

I grab a bag of Cheetos and try to be casual as I head for the personal items. There's not enough time to give it thought so I grab one of the tests at random, making sure that there's the word pregnancy written across it.

I turn the package facedown and hide it under my Cheetos as I head for the counter. Carter's already there so I pretend to browse the candy bars as he buys a six-pack of beer and gum.

"I'll get the car and pull up out front," he says, oblivious to the fact that I'm thanking whatever god was looking out for me right now. With Carter gone, I pay for my things with a teenage boy as awkward as I am about the pregnancy test.

He hands me my bag and gives a small smile, but doesn't let go. "It's going to be okay, whatever it says." His eyes move briefly to the door and I realize he thinks that Carter is the prospective father. I want to laugh and correct him, but I don't have it in me. Nothing about potentially being pregnant was making me want to laugh right now.

Instead, I roll up the bag so the contents are sealed tightly. "Actually, there's a very not okay option." I push open the door. "And that one has two lines."