Fragments

8.3

8.3

The walk to Roman's apartment building puts me in a daze. I try to focus on the grey sky, the damp sidewalk, anything to distract my mind. It's hard, thinking about the world around me. It's like I'm waking up from the autopilot I've been on lately.

A car drives by, it's tires rolling on the packed down snow of the city streets. Inside the car a family drives away, going wherever they're going. I wonder what their lives are like. How they differ from mine.

I begin to realize my story's changing. I'm Piper, a girl who goes to Elizabeth Roe's boarding school in New York. I have friends here. Or at least they're closer to being my friends than anyone back home. I was supposed to get better here. And for a little while, the sky didn't look so dark. But then someone hurt me, and now I'm not sure on how to shield myself from the storm.

I'm thankful to be alone on the elevator. With my back against the wall, I ride up to Roman's floor with my eyes on the ground.

How will I look to him once he knows? Will he think I'm used or broken or not worth his time anymore? I'm scared he will be disgusted by me. I think I'm disgusted by myself. No matter how raw I scrub my skin each time I shower, I never feel clean. How could anyone want to be with someone like me?

I still have time to leave. I can push the button, go back downstairs and straight back to the school without being seen. Telling Roman could wait for another day, couldn't it?

The elevator dings and the doors open, revealing the empty hallway.

My hand moves to my chest, resting on my racing heart. I urge my feet to move but I can't budge.

I feel each beat of my heart under my hand. It's not a heart attack, I tell myself. Take a deep breath.

The elevator dings again but I step through it before the doors can close.

Holding my breath, I raise my hand and knock on Roman's door. The wood is hard against my raw skin and I retract it into my palm.

I don't hear footsteps or the sound of someone approaching, but suddenly the door opens a crack. Reesa stands behind it, using her dark hair to hide her face from me.

"Hi," she says quietly.

"Is Roman here?"

She shakes her head and for a moment her hair moves out of her face, letting me see the dark makeup around her eye.

"No. He went to practice with his band a few hours ago, but he'll be back soon."

Gingerly I reach out and move the hair away from Reesa's face. She flinches, but it's already too late. She's not wearing makeup. She's wearing a black eye.

"Reesa," I coax, "what happened?"

"It's nothing." She tries to close the door but I push my way inside. "I fell Piper. I fell. It was an accident. I'm fine."

She closes the door and turns around, letting me see the bruise on her arm. It looks like fingers.

"What did he do to you?" When she doesn't answer I take her wrist and pull her towards the couch. After stumbling a few steps behind me, she jerks away, angry.

"He didn't do anything," she snaps.

I gesture towards the couch. "Sit down. We're talking."

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Then why are you yelling, Reesa?"

Moments tick by in silence before she sighs, finally walking and placing herself gently on the couch. I sit down on the opposite end, giving her as much space between us as I can. Right now she's not my friend, and despite how I care, I'm not hers.

"It was my fault," she declares.

"Did you punch yourself in the face?" I ask.

Reesa's back on her feet, but she holds up her hands in surrender. "If you're going to be like that I'm going to need drugs." She leaves to her room. With her gone, I allow myself to look at Roman's open door. His bed is a little messy, with a sweater thrown across it, and a pair of jeans lay strewn on the floor. When Reesa returns she's holding a joint. "You need some green," she suggests. "Maybe then you won't be so mean."

When she's back on the couch she leans back and puts the joint to her lips. With a spark of a red lighter it's lit, and Reesa stares at me while the flame twinkles in her eyes. For a moment, her purple, black and blue bruise doesn't look so bad. Then she blows the fire out.

"Why did he hurt you?"

After taking a drag she hands the joint to me, blowing the smoke straight up into the air.

"It was my fault," she repeats.

I inhale the smoke deeply. "I really, really doubt that."

"I was high." She takes the joint back. "I fucked up and decided to dance with some guy. Nik didn't like that. But he's really overprotective, I shouldn't have messed up like that. It was my fault. The guy, though? You don't want to see what he did to the guy."

I close my eyes tightly. "Please, please tell me you left him, Reesa. Don't you dare tell me you think that what he did to you was okay."

"It wasn't okay, but it won't happen again."

My chest feels like a can of soda that's been shook too much and is ready to explode. I want to tell her my suspicions, tell her she's wrong, but I don't know how. My time starts ticking though, as a key starts to enter the lock of the front door.

"I think Nik put something in my drink that night," I say quickly. "I think he drugged me."

Reesa puts out the joint on the table and gets to her feet. I think she's ignoring me as she heads to her room, but she turns to look at me over her shoulder just as the front door opens and steps through.

Her words are quiet enough for only me to hear.

"I think you're wrong."