Fragments

9.8

9.8

Christmas with my parents is worse than usual. They know it's going to be our last one together, the three of us. Exaggerated smiles through the festivities, both of them wanting me to spend time with them individually, and I never can find a moment to myself.

What gets me through the holiday is the thought of going to Sasha's in a few days. My parents had ultimately agreed, although they didn't have much room to argue. I know they wanted me to stay, I could see it in the way their smiles didn't reach their eyes. But what reason did I have to not go? Everything about this broken town, this broken family drove me crazy.

"It's really nice what you did, calling Lane's mother," my own said, picking up leftovers of Christmas morning off the floor. She paused, holding the wrapping paper in her hand. "You're a good friend."

But I wasn't a friend to Lane at all.

Her eyes were filled with hate when her mother showed up, and I realized why as soon as she spoke. Lane's problem was a family matter. Her parents would rather try to solve the problem themselves then seek professional help for her. The woman wouldn't even say the word addiction.

"I wanted to apologize," my mother said, surprising me. It wasn't exactly the same as saying sorry, but for her, I knew I wasn't going to get anything better. She walked over to the tree and reached her arm behind it, retrieving a small, hidden present. "I'm really proud of you and what you've accomplished since the accident."

"It wasn't an accident," I say suddenly, calmly.

She doesn't answer but hands me the small, rectangle box of wrapping paper. "This is for you."

It's a cell phone, to 'stay in touch.' The first moment I get to myself I head for my room in search of my bag. Inside would be a small piece of paper, written with the only four phone numbers I needed in my phone.

I add Sasha, Adam, Roman and Reesa to my contacts and send all a message wishing them a happy holiday. When I return the note to my bag, I notice something that makes me stop. Amongst my things I realize my menstrual products sit, untouched. Quickly I checked the date on my phone and started doing the math, counting on my fingers until I froze completely.

My period was late.