Let's Forget Everything (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 21

My heart was pounding as I pulled away from Michael's house.

I didn't know if I was feeling more guilty, sad, or angry about what just happened. That was not the reaction I was expecting to get after telling Michael the truth, now I know why I held it in for so long.

As I turned into my driveway, I was thankful my family wasn't home. I walked in and crashed onto the couch, but I didn't cry. I layed there and looked up at the ceiling, replaying everything that just happened in my head.

After each minute that past, my confusion of how to feel, turned more into anger. I had no control over what Bradley did to me. I was tired of feeling guilty.

I understand he should be angry about me lying, but shouldn't we talk about it? He was ready to run away after hearing the truth, I didn't even get a chance to ask who he talked to on the phone, or tell him how I feel, or how I've dealt with it. He didn't even ask if I was okay...

He doesn't even know that he's the reason I've felt so strong about what happened. He's the reason I haven't gone insane. The thought of what could have happened if I was left any longer with Bradley has been the only thing occupying my thoughts when I'm alone. When I'm with Michael, that worry leaves my mind because I feel safe with him.

I didn't think he would let me leave. When I walked in his room I just sat on his bed for a couple minutes, thinking he would come in and hold me, tell me it's going to be okay, and that he's sorry I had to feel Bradley's touch on my skin.

After laying there for what seemed like forever, I finally fell asleep. Last night with Michael was the first night since the party that I felt safe enough to sleep. I wasn't scared of Bradley haunting my dreams.

I was scared to fall asleep because every night since, I had a bad dream about him. But last night with Michael, I took one look at him clinging to me and Daniel in his sleep and I felt safe. I didn't dream of Bradley at all.

I woke up to my phone buzzing underneath me. I slightly opened my eyes to see my family home, and my mom cooking dinner. I reached under me, trying to grasp my phone. When I finally pulled it out, I saw Michael's name flashing on the screen, which was followed by me stuffing my phone back into my pocket. 

I hadn't even realized I was falling asleep, what time was it?

"Did you stay up late last night honey?" My mom asked sweetly, standing in the doorframe of the kitchen. It took me a minute to realize she was referring to my nap, and the fact that I lied and said I was with Callie and Sam instead of Michael last night.

"Yeah we didn't sleep much," I smiled nervously, scared that my mom would somehow know that I was lying.

"How many times do I have to tell you girls to go to sleep before five in the morning or else you'll regret it?" She asked playfully, "Dinner's almost ready so go wash up."

Relieved she doesn't know I'm a terrible person who lies to their mother, I got up and walked into the bathroom to wash my hands.

All my mom knew about what was going on with me currently, was the fact that me and Bradley broke up because I wanted to be with Michael.

After dinner, I looked at my phone to see no more calls from Michael. Instead of worrying about it, I continued to text Callie and Sam in our group chat before getting ready for bed.

I know I need to tell Callie and Sam everything that is going on with me, but I just hate talking about it. I hate thinking about it. I feel so ashamed. I feel so embarrassed. I feel so violated. I just wanted to forget Bradley and everything that has happened with him.