Let's Forget Everything (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 35

(Michael's POV)

It's been a hard week without my grandma. She is such a big part of my life, even though she's not physically with me she still has such a huge presence in everything that I do.

But Jessie has helped me every day, every time I needed her she was there. Oddly, she's just been there as a friend. We haven't kissed since that night I kissed her in the pouring rain outside of my apartment. We haven't seen eachother since then, only phone calls and text messages. We haven't even talked about 'us' since that night when I saw her at the party with Calum. I guess I've just needed time to grieve, time to accept what happened.

I feel like no matter how much time goes by, I'll always need more. I'll never have enough time to accept what happened to my grandma. But I feel like that's okay. I don't think I'll ever truly finish grieving, but I don't think I have to.

Whenever I start to laugh or smile or think about something other than my grandma, I almost feel guilty, like I'm not supposed to be happy because she's gone. I think that's why I haven't tried to talk to Jessie about...us, or the lack of us.

I want nothing more than to be with Jess again, but an opportunity just hasn't presented itself. We talk everyday, and even joke together like we used to, but it's strictly as friends. Neither of us set the rule that we have to talk as just friends, but that's just kinda what ended up happening. She probably thinks that I need more time, which in some aspects is true.

Honestly I wish that I had told her everything that was on my mind that night that my grandma died, just to get everything out there. I almost need her more now than I ever did, because she is that missing piece, that missing piece of me.

I haven't told any of the guys how I feel, just because I didn't know how to approach it. I haven't really been talking to Calum, and Luke has just tried to comfort me when he thought I needed it and gave me space the other half of the time.

But I felt like it was time to tell Jessie everything. I had enough time grieving by myself and this time around I knew she loved me back, I knew she would forgive me.

I just knew it was time, something had clicked in my mind earlier today after I got back from class.

I was going through my closet trying to clear out my t-shirts and make room for my sweaters since there was snow on the ground now, when I picked up a pair of skinny jeans and a little plastic baggie fell out.

Confused, I bent over and picked up the baggie, instantly seeing what was inside. It was a little diamond ring, I think my grandma called it rose gold? I instantly fell back on my bed and shed a few tears.

My grandma had given me the ring, saying it was her favorite ring. She even liked it more than her wedding ring.

Her husband, the grandfather I don't remember because he died when I was a baby, had given her the ring as a "promise ring" when they were still dating.

I can remember the day she had fished it out of her jewelry box and given it to me, saying I had to give it to Jessie because she would, "Absolutely adore it Michael! She has such dainty fingers, it would look gorgeous on her. You need to give it to her as a promise, a promise that you will always love her. Because you will, I know you will."

She had given me that a couple days before the whole thing with Bradley blew up, and at that point I thought it was too late to give it to Jessie.

But sitting there on my bed, holding the little ring in my hand, I realized that I had to give it to her, I had to tell her how I felt. Because after my grandma passed away, I realized life is too short, too precious.

~

Me and Jessie were planning on watching a movie together over the phone, and I figured I would surprise her and go to her house to actually watch it together. I was planning on bringing the ring, and just lay everything out on the table. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted her to know I was serious and give her the ring to show her that I would do it right this time around.

I was pumping myself up all day, practicing my speech and everything, when I got a text from Jessie.

* Hey, Cal asked me to come hang out with him and Ashton. Could we have movie night tomorrow instead? I'm sorry /: *

My heart sank when I read her message, why did this have to happen the one night I was planning all this? I looked across the room at the flowers I bought her, sighing to myself. Why would she rather hang out with Calum, instead of me?

I had to stop my insecurities and anxieties from growing, and instead pushed them to the back of my mind.

I tried to let it go, I really did. But every hour that past my anxieties grew bigger and more monstrous.

What were her and Calum doing?

I knew Ashton wasn't actually invited to this hang out because I texted him to ask what they were doing and he said he never was invited. Why would she lie?

I knew Calum had feelings for her, I just knew. He was my best friend, even though we haven't been talking lately that doesn't change the fact that I know him. I've known he's in love with her for a long time now.

Was he gonna try to make a move? I don't know what I would do if my best friend and the love of my life hooked up... I think my worst nightmare would be for Jessie and Calum to start dating.

I couldn't take it anymore, I decided to text Calum.

Michael: Hey dude, can we talk?

Calum: Sure man what's up?

Michael: Are you hanging out with Jessie tonight?

Calum: Yeah Jess Ashton and Lily are coming over!

Michael: But I talked to Ash, he said he was never asked to hang out

Calum: Look dude I just need to talk to Jess

Michael: About what?

Calum: Michael....Are you gonna make me say it? You know okay. You know what I have to talk to her about.

Michael: You can't do this to me. You know I love her, and she loves me

Calum: Oh you love her? Really? Because you treated her like shit for the past couple months, and the whole time you were ignoring her and being a dick guess who was there for her? Me okay I was there for her. I've always had feelings for her but I kept that shit hidden because you're my best friend dude. But now it's getting to the point where I can't hide it anymore. Things have happened, things that have made me fall for her. I have to tell her, and you should respect that. You guys aren't even together anymore

I was stunned, I was honestly at a loss for words. I didn't think Calum would have the balls to tell me that, let alone admit that he was going to talk to her about it tonight. I didn't even know how to respond, and then he sent me another text.

Calum: I'm gonna stop responding, Jess is here

Michael: I don't give a shit. You have to promise me that you won't tell her anything that you just told me. If you were really my friend you wouldn't tell her. You know she loves me and you know how I feel about her. Don't be a dick. If you don't answer i'm coming to you.

And he never answered, so after ten minutes of waiting, I got in my car and sped over to Calum's house.

****

Authors Note

Again i'm so sorry for the wait! and it's short but the next chapter is gonna be huge

thanks so much for all your comments and tweets, you guys all make me so happy i love u so much

do you guys think it's fair for michael to tell calum not to talk to jess about his feelings?