Let's Forget Everything (Michael Clifford)

Chapter 34

(Jessie's POV)

Waking up to see him fast asleep next to me made me forget what happened last night. But only for a couple seconds, then I remembered and a deep sadness came over me.

As I watched him breathe in and out in his sleep, it made me sad to know he would have to wake up and live in a world without his grandma.

His eyebrows were knitted together, and a deep frown was set on his face. He is so beautifully sad.

I wonder how he will act towards me today, after everything that happened last night. Will we go back to the way we were before he left me? Or would we go back to the way we were before we got together, when we were just friends that were always more than friends.

All I know, is that I will give him as much time as he needs to figure it out. I won't bring anything up to him first. I need to ignore my feelings and wants, and just take care of him right now.

So that's what I did, I took care of him.

When he woke up that morning, and pulled me in for a hug, I hugged him back.

When he sat up and said he wanted to be alone, I said goodbye and shut the front door behind me.

When he texted me the next day asking if he could call, I called him and talked the whole night.

It was almost like nothing had happened between us, like we never had that fight, like he never left me.

But at the same time, it was like nothing happened between us. Like, we never dated, like he never told me he loved me.

I knew he needed time to process everything that happened, I mean even I needed time. I loved her too, and was pretty crushed myself.

It was just, hard. It was hard to be so involved in his life again, but in a different way.

I never got answers, I never got closure, I didn't even get to ask why he kissed me that night in the pouring rain outside his apartment.

At the same time, amongst all of the questions I had for him, I was also getting a lot of answers to things I had never known before. He was opening up to me so deeply, about his family and memories with his grandma he had always kept hidden. He was sharing things with me about Luke, and Calum, and Bradley; things that he never had before. So in a way, I was getting answers to questions I never knew I had.

I knew I couldn't bring anything up about us. I couldn't push him right now, all I could do was comfort and be there for the boy that I was in love with.

~
At school the next week, I minded my own business. I woke up in the morning, drove to school, went to class, drove home, and that was it. I didn't meet up with Calum and all his friends in between classes. I didn't skip class to get lunch with Calum. I didn't sneak off with Calum during P.E to share a cigarette with him. I didn't even really see Calum this whole week.

We hadn't talked since the night of the party when I kissed him...and kissed him again in the backseat of his car.

To be fair, I wasn't avoiding Calum because we kissed, I wasn't really avoiding Calum at all. I just didn't have time. I was texting Michael all day and talked to him on the phone almost all night. We would even do homework together over the phone, helping each other study.

I was also grieving on my own, and just trying to make it through the day without crying. I guess I was just keeping to myself. I didn't even talk to Sam or Callie that much this past week. 

The final bell rang and I quickly put my things in my backpack before heading out the door. I felt my phone vibrate against my hand as it lit up with Michael's name. I was so focused on responding to his message that I didn't realize someone had been calling my name.