Devotion

C23: Enlistment

He was silent and near mad.

I'm sorry Stevie.

"I've been trying to sign up for so long. Why would you do that?" He yelled in frustration.

"Steve... I... It was in the moment okay. They were asking people at my work and the next thing I knew I was in a room with other men filling out information."

"But you don't actually want to do it Bucky! I do!"

"I know." I whispered.

"Fine." He whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter. Now I have more inspiration to keep trying." He smirked.

"Please don't." I whined.

"No. I'm gonna keep going for it."

"Steve..."

"You can't stop me Bucky. So don't try."

"You don't know what you're doing."

"I don't care."

"Well I do." I mumbled.

"Steve please..."

He left his stool and walked off into his room. I felt like I had betrayed him as I heard his footsteps fading down the hallway.

Please don't go.

Please turn around.

Forgive me.

Say you'll stay here in Brooklyn and be safe.

Say you can't wait for me to come back.

Just say anything at this point.

Anything that keeps you away from danger.

"Steve..." I whispered into nothingness.

He wasn't there. He probably didn't want me to be either.

********

I walked towards the front door and slammed my head on it, cringing from the pain I had caused myself.

"I'm gonna go Steve... " I yelled.

He opened his door and looked down the hall at me.

"Okay." He whispered.

"Are you still mad at me?"

He slowly blinked at me, looking at the floor.

"Alright then. Just do me one favor?" I whispered.

"What?"

"Smile. Please." I smiled at him.

He grinned looking up at me.

"You're so mean to me." He laughed.

"That's okay."

"Yeah. I guess it is." He whispered.

I turned around and opened the door. I didn't hear him go back into his room, but I heard the birds as I stepped out into the bright sun. Closing the door behind me, I started walking down the open hallway staring at the boring grey ceiling.

It made me feel better knowing he was cheering up about me leaving a little, but it didn't change the fact that I still made him mad. Not really something I like to do.

It's also not like me to do something with out him, but I had to go and do that too.

And everything was going so well...

It was only last night that I was falling into my dreams and now it's like I have to leave them all behind.

I have to leave him behind.

Why did I do this to him?

Why did I do this to myself?