What happened?

My new school

Dani

Like I said, the first time I was depressed and scared. But luckily, Hoa stayed with me and protected me. I didn't go out for the first 3 or 4 weeks. It was just terrible to see that huge city/country and then you see flashes in your head and you think the next moment you will lose everything. First time I went out was terrible. My memory started to come back. But the weeks and months after that got way easier, because I noticed that I was safe. Yeah, I still avoided the huge streets and the beach. And yes, I lived in a huge city near the Pacific.

After 1/2 year, I started a Chinese course, because I HAD to go to a school sooner or later. Hoa brought me there for like 2 weeks and then she talked to me. She said that she wouldn't have much time to drive me anymore. She told me that she took a break of work for 1/2 year and then she had to start again. It was kinda okay for me, because I had to walk for just 15 minutes and I was able to avoid the city street. And I wasn't alone at the course. The course lasted 4 hours every day. Monday to Friday. The course was something special for non-Chinese people, who just moved to China or something like that. Luckily, the main language was English, besides Spanish. But, I was the youngest of the course. Everyone was around 20 up to 40 I guess.

So, after a year being in China, I was sent to a school. I knew this day would come.. It was a kinda terrible feeling, because in America, I never went to a real school and 2nd, I was so afraid that I will be so bad because I was still not that good in Chinese.. And I was really afraid that people would ask me about the tragedy...

Well so the first day was there. Hoa woke me up at 6am. I dressed up and went to the kitchen, where Hoa already made breakfast. Wow, she turned so much into the Mom role. And she became something like a Mom for me. I loved her for that.

'xie xieHoa.' I said. Oh, xie xie means Thanks in Chinese. I tried to talk Chinese as much as I could with Hoa. So, this morning I was so much into my thoughts, that Hoa could see it.

'Dani? What's up?' she asked.

'Oh nothing.. I'm just a little afraid of the new school..' I told her.

'Dani, you don't need to. I know, it's kinda hard.. but I'll bring you to school and then if you walk home, I'll be here ca. 30 minutes after you come home. And at school, just try to get on well with the others. You won't get grades in the first year. The teachers know that you aren't Chinese and that you can't speak Chinese that well. Everything will be alright. I know it's hard, but try to make some new friends. They all learn English at school, so they should be able to communicate with you. It won't be that terrible Dani.' she smiled and came up to hug me.

'xie xie..' I said and stood up to get ready.

We left and she drove me to the new school by car. We went in and straightly walked up to the principal. Hoa and that guy talked for like 10 minutes and I only understood half of what they said. I got my school books, my locker number and I got to know which class I was in and what my class teacher was called. So, Hoa left after she wished me Good Luck. Then the principal brought me to my new class.

When I walked in, I was kinda scared, because all the students looked much older than me, but then I noticed they weren't. Relief. After a few words to the teacher, the principal left. Then, the teacher gave a little instruction to me and then I had to intruduce myself a little bit. In Chinese. At least I could do that. But then hell waited for me.. A few students yelled questions through the room and others started laughing. I didn't know what to do, because I didn't really understand the questions... I was so thankful when the teacher finally stopped them and told me that it was okay. I went to one of the seats in the back and I felt like the lesson wouldn't end.

During the breaks, I stayed at the restrooms, even if it was not allowed to stay in. I wwas so overwhelmed by the whole sitution.. I was so glad when school finally ended. I was finally able to go home. I know it sounds kinda crazy that I didn't make friends over one intire year...But for the first 1/2 year, I just avoided to talk to people and then the second half year, I had much things to learn, to prepare for school. I was kinda good with the people of my Chinese course.

When I came home, I decided to eat something, but during cooking, the phone ran and I took the call because it was Hoa (I actually avoided calls, because I knew it would be awkward if I don't understand the people on the other side).

'Dani?' Hoa asked.

'Yes?'

'I'm sorry but I won't be home until 5...' she said.

'Why?' I asked.

'We have an emergency right here.. I can't go earlier..' she told me. Why am I still that tragic? My depressions are almost gone and I shouldn't worry about 2 hours without someone around me..

'Do you think it's okay for you?' she continued.

'Yes.' I took a deep breath and added 'Demons won't kill me.' Little insider of Hoa and me. She always told me 'Demons can't kill you.' if the voices were bothering me. She still told me, because sometimes I still heard those voices.

'2 hours to go Dani. You're brave enough. See you later.' she said and hang up.

And again I took a deep breath. I walked back to the kitchen and took the Quesadilla I just made. I decided to turn on the TV. I thought that would make it easier if not everything is quiet.

I didn't even notice when Hoa came home. She just entered the living room and kinda scared me. She put her head on the top of the couch next to my head.

'And? Everything fine?' she said with a smirk on her face. I turned around.

'Omg, you scared me.' I said and continued 'Yes, demons didn't kill me.'

'Proud of you.' she said and sat down next to me on couch.

'There's another Quesadilla in the kitchen, you can have it.' I told her. She smiled, stood up and went to the kitchen. She came back and we enjoyed the evening.

Before we went to bed she wanted to know about school. Thanks God...

'By the way, how was school?' she asked.

'Mh, kinda aweful. No one talked to me and I didn't even understand half of what the lessons were about.' I told her.

'Always tell yourself 'Demons won't kill me', then the worst thoughts will go away and you will make friends. Believe me.' she said and I smiled at her.

I think Hoa was right, because already the next days, I found 2 new friends. Meiying, a girl of the photography course I decided to go to and Li-Ying, a girl of my class who offered to be my school 'sponsor' (Someone you could talk to if you have problems and if you don't know what to do or something or if you don't understand (like with the language) or something like that).

School got easier over the weeks. Some day I have been on the point I really enjoyed being there.