What happened?

I'm sick of this

Lauren

'Lauren!! Get down here!' Rin yelled from downstairs. Oh well, I forgot the grocery shopping. It's Tuesday evening. Since I'm the oldest, I have to go to the grocery store every Tuesday. That's actually kinda unfair. The others only have to do the dishes or have to clean a little bit and I have to spent my afternoon at the grocery store.

Okay let's get down there before Rin will get angry.

So, I walked downstairs and waited for Rin to yell at me. She told me that we all have to take care of the orphanage because we all live in there and bla bla bla. I know I'm not the kind of girl who causes problems, but after two years I was just sick of this. It was always me and nobody ever really cared about me. School started to be okay and I won a few friends in the orphanage. But nobody started to see the real me in me. My family was still closer to me because I didn't let anyone reach the 100% trust factor.

So, since it was already too late to go the shop that day, she let me go and told me to go the next day. Somehow I clearly faded it out.

The next day was there and I walked down the alley with Nagisa, the 4 year old girl I had to bring to the kindergarten every single morning before I went to school. Like every morning, she didn't want to go and I had to stay longer than I actually had time to stay. Nagisa and I became really close that's why it didn't annoy me.

Another morning I was late. When I finally went out of the kindergarten, it was like 8:50am or something. Fine, school started at 9am. I ran down the street to be punctual, but right after I entered the school halls, the bell ringed and I had to go up to the 3rd floor. Damn, I've been in the last year of high school. I seriously needed to pass, but it was still so hard to come on the level of my classmates, real Japanese people, but I never got it, my teacher already told me that she doesn't think I pass the last year of high school. She said she thinks I have repeat that year.

So, when I entered my classroom, my teacher glared at me.

'Lauren, it's the 3rd time this week you're late. I want to talk to you after this lesson.' she said. Ugh, I hated this tone.

So, after the lesson, my friends all left for the first break and I walked up to my teacher.

'Lauren, why are you late? I know you you went trough alot, but it's been 2 years and I'm always with you. And I know it's not easy to live in an orphanage and in a different country. But you're in your last year. You are not far away from your finals, girl. Recently, it looks like you don't care anymore. I think I have to take a call to your guardian. Or you tell me now what's wrong.'

No please not, not a call. I'm already in trouble every day and I'm in alot of stress. And no, my finals and my graduation aren't unimportant. I care... but what should I say?? She wouldn't believe me the thing with the kindergarten. To be honest... I don't know the reason. I cry myself to bed every day recently. I try to remember my sisters faces. They're fading. It sounds weird, but I really forgot how they look. I only remember some fractures. It's crazy. I never thought I would forget. I didn't want to.

Now you might think, it has been two years and it has been better the past year. I started to be happy again. I learned to live in a different country, I got friends and I even started a relationship with Haku. No Iwasn't a crazy obsessed girlfriend, we were not always together, we were just like really good friends and he helped me alot. I could tell him everything, but I didn't tell him about the fact that my mental 'illness' is back. I mean the sadness. I didn't want to.
Maybe you wonder if it was allowed to be in a realtionship with one of the caretaker... we didn't know. It was just like we hid it until the Rin (the boss) got to see us hand in hand. She wasn't mad, she trusted us, because she knew I only opened for Haku since the beginning.

Well, back to my teacher. I didn't know what to answer, so I just stayed quiet and lowerd my head.

'So you don't have anything to say? Well, then you can go now and I'll call your guardian now.' she said and I left the room. My tears came up already. I thought about the rest of the day... I decided to leave. I couldn't stay. I knew that would be more trouble for me but I needed to get out. I ran up to my locker, picked my stuff and ran out. Everyone was on the break so I made my way through them. My friends yelled behind me, but I couldn't hear them, my sob was too loud. I ran straight up home. I didn't stop. I rushed in and upstairs to my room. I locked the door and leaned against the door. I dropped my school bag and then I slipped down the door. Did anyone notice me coming in? Did my teacher already call Rin? Does my teacher already know that I'm gone? My questions were answered really quick...

'LAUREN!' I heard Rin calling from downstairs and then I heard footsteps. She was coming. She tried to open the door.

'LAUREN OPEN THE DOOR, NOW!' she yelled again... I stood up and opened the door. I excepted an angry yell and probably a hand to beat me, but before I heard any words coming out her mouth, she stopped breathing for a moment and then she hugged me. HOW??

'Lauren, what's wrong?' she asked after half a minute.

'Please don't be mad at me..'  I said.

'Lauren, I excused you from school and told them that you weren't feeling well. And that thing with being late is also ruled now. So now I want an explanation.' she answered. Wait, what?? She lied for me? She isn't mad??

'You... you lied for me?? And why are you not yelling at me?' I asked carefully.

'Lauren, I noticed that you haven't been alright recently. I'm not mad, but disappointed. I just want you to talk to me, instead of dropping school lessons.'

I started crying again. Of course, I didn't run away from school on purpose. I didn't want this..

'Lauren? Please talk to me.. You're not alone, okay?' she said.

'I don't remember my sisters anymore.. Their faces are fading...' I answered.

'Lauren, why didn't you tell anyone? Of course this bothers you!'

'I didn't want other people to talk about this again. I.. I started a new chapter now and finally accepted this, but other people talking about this, would throw me back to the beginning.'

'It's okay. I accept this. But next time you don't want to go to school, come to me first. I'll excuse you. And please try not to be late anymore, okay?'

'Thank you Rin...' I said and hugged her again.

Then, Rin went downstairs and I laid down on my bed. Again I tried to remember how my sisters look like. To be alone made me feel better, I mean... different. It was not like at night. This time it let me feel like a little mystery or puzzle to solve. I don't know... but yeah, the next moment everything was gone again, because a 12 year old boy rushed into my room and yelled at me. The reason? I didn't know.

I'M SICK OF THIS!