Make Me Break (n.h. + h.s.)(Punk!Niall)

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Eventually I made it home, opening the front door slowly. Liam sat on the couch, looking down at a small photograph.

"What you got there?" Liam jumped, shoving the photo into his pocket.

"Nothing. How long have you been home?"

"Just got here... Now what was that?" 

"Don't worry about it Niall."

"No, I wanna know what it was."

"Let it go! It's nothing important."

"Obviously it is if you're keeping it a secret."

"Just drop it."

"Is that reason you didn't want me to come home? Cause of that? C'mon Liam, you owe me an explanation." 

"It's part of it."

"Then explain." 

"No, I don't want to. It's a personal thing Niall."

"Since when did you not tell me everything?"

"The second you weren't the Niall I grew up with." Liam's voice was harsh, making me flinch internally. Liam was rarely harsh with me, but I knew I deserved it to say the least. 

"You're really gonna pull that shit on me? I've already got the whole speech about how I'm "not" Niall anymore. Save it."

"Why? It never bothered you before, are you finally seeing it?"

"Finally seeing what?"

"The fact that you're not Niall. You haven't been Niall for so long, that I'm afraid he might never come back. I want Niall back, but I don't think he is."

"Yeah? Well I want Harry back, but do you see him anywhere? No I didn't think so. Now do me a fucking favor, and get off my back."

"And let you kill yourself? What kind of friend would I be to let you do that Niall?"

"An understanding one." I whispered, looking away from Liam. 

"Well, I don't see how the fuck I'm understanding if I let you destroy yourself like this! You were there for me when I lost who I was, let me be there for you!"

"Maybe you should understand this Liam, I don't want you to fucking be here for me! I can take care of this by myself!"

"I've been letting you fucking take care of it yourself for over a year now Niall! Look where it's gotten us! I'm surprised you haven't fucking died yet at this point! You're always drinking or doing god who knows what kind of drug. You fuck everything that breathes... Why can't you see that you're walking on a ledge, and you're leaning just a little closer to the edge than necessary?!" 

"Because I don't fucking care! I'm done caring! I'm so done! I'm done feeling like everything is my fucking fault! I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. I gave up on love, and on him, but my heart still goes to him. I want it all just to end. I want to be free of it all, and the only way I get that is through the drugs and alcohol! It's the only time I can escape these god damn memories of him!"

"Ni-"

"I'm not finished! You wanted to know why the fuck I'm walking on that ledge and leaning close to the edge! It's because of him! It's his fault I'm such a fuck up, and it's his fault that I'm slowly creeping closer and closer to the edge! I hate the fact that even though he left me, I still fucking love him! He's always fucking on my mind, finding new ways to break me. I'm sick of being broken, but the only one who can put me back together, just so happens to be the one to break me in the first place!" I broke slightly, a few tears finally leaving my eyes. Liam stood there in shock, his mouth hanging open. I didn't really know if that was a good thing or not.

"I fucking need him by my side Liam, but he's nowhere to be found. He left without a second glance, taking my heart with him. As impossible as it is to forget him, the drugs are the only way I can."

"There are other ways of forgetting though Niall..."

"Yeah? You wanna suggest those and show how hypocritical you are Liam? I was there when you did the exact same thing I'm doing now, granted I never thought I'd be in this situation. I watched you waste away little by little everyday, but somehow you got better. Why can't I just get better? Why am I this bad?" 

"You're this bad because you let yourself reach that point. Where I went Niall, it was a dark and scary place, but at the time... It was better than here. I know how you feel... I know how it feels to be left behind and not know why. I live with it everyday, but the difference between you and me... I got over it. I don't let it control my entire life." 

"It's not that easy..."

"It's only hard cause you make it hard."

"No, it's different. You aren't me."

"You're right, I'm not you, so obviously I don't know anything about you. I don't know how your mind works. Maybe it's just time to give up on you."

"You should, I already have."

"That's the exact reason as to why I haven't yet." I let out a small snort of laughter, but looking at Liam right now, I couldn't be more grateful to have him as my friend.

He was the only one who still cared... 

"Are you gonna tell me why I couldn't come home now?"

"Maybe later, you look as if you didn't sleep at all last night." 

"I didn't. It's kinda hard with two in the bed."

"One of these days Niall, you're gonna end up scorning a serial killer."

"Wanna bet on it?" 

"No."

I chuckled, shaking my head slightly. It didn't matter how much Liam and I argued, or how rude I was to him... He would forgive me, and still be there for me. 

Liam was probably the only reason why I was still here... even if he doesn't know that yet.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wasn't gonna update this till tomorrow cause today was just... stressful.

But then some random person dropped the most adorable kitten on my doorstep, and my mood just lifted. 

I was gonna name her Coffee Bean, but after watching her for a while, I've decided to call her Loki. My cousin wants to call her Latte or Mocha, but I personally think Loki fits her better haha. 

Anyways

Dedication: 

Marvels1D

Dedication goes to someone I randomly choose.

Fanart if you wanna submit that:

conwecalllove@gmail.com

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Kermit

(Oh... New cover! If you wanna know what the other looks like, it's on the side!)