Make Me Break (n.h. + h.s.)(Punk!Niall)

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty 

The sky was gray. 

I was gray.

Everything was gray...

Everything had lost it's color and vibrancy since he'd left. 

It was like everything that happened more than a year ago had happened again, but this time... I knew he wasn't going to be coming back. 

No... Harry was dead. 

Murdered... Shot twice, and was left to die.

And what was I doing while he bled to death? I was out partying with my friends. I should've been there... I should've been there to keep him safe...

I couldn't even keep him safe... 

For days upon days I've hated myself... I couldn't even look into the mirror without wanting to scream. I was useless. I couldn't keep him safe.... 

I couldn't keep him safe.... 

Everyone sat around me in the pew section of the church where we were holding the funeral. I had Lizzie in my lap. She was too young to understand why everyone was crying... and I envied her in a way, but pitied her in another. 

I envied her because she wasn't feeling this pain... She didn't feel this pain of lose... She was oblivious and innocent...

I pitied her because of the fact she'd never remember Harry. She'll never remember how kind he was... How much he loved her, and how much he sacrificed for her... She'd never remember him... 

The funeral was short and simple, no one really having the emotional energy to speak at his funereal. I knew he'd like it that way... He was always one who didn't like to make a big deal of things. His mother sat to my right, holding my free hand through the entire thing. I couldn't help but remember that I'd broken my promise to her... 

"Niall?" She asked after Harry had left the room to get Lizzie.

"Yes m'am?" 

"I'm going to need you to promise me something... Do you think you can do that for me?" She whispered, turning to look at me. I nodded, knowing I'd be willing to agree to anything as long as I gained her trust. 

"Of course. What can I do?" 

"I need you to promise me you'll take care of him Niall... He deserves that much at least."

"M'am, I promise I'll do everything I possibly can to take care of him. I love him more than anything else in my life, and I'm planning on marrying your son. He's my world... I know that we've both made mistakes, but we're only human. I love your son, and I will do everything I can to keep him safe." 

"That's all I can ever ask you to do Niall... Thank you." She whispered, hugging me tightly.

"You're welcome." I whispered back, hugging her as well. 

___________________

We all walked in a line towards the graveside, black umbrellas open over our heads as the rain fell down ruthlessly. I held Lizzie in my arms as Anne walked next to me with the umbrella. Harry's coffin was just in front of us, the rain bouncing off it. They placed the coffin in front of the hole in the ground, said the usual words, and then everyone but myself and Anne left. I stood the closest to the coffin, running my fingers against the dark wood. Anne placed her hand onto my arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, looking at her.

"For what? You didn't do this Niall... This isn't your fault."

"I promised to keep him safe, and I didn't.... So I'm sorry for breaking my promise... I am so fucking sorry." I got out before bursting into tears once more. 

"This wasn't your fault Niall. Things happen for a reason, and I know this is the worst possible thing ever to happen. I've lost my baby boy.... but don't you dare blame yourself. He wouldn't want you to do that... He loved you more than anything else in this world Niall, and I know that he'd hate to see you cry." 

"I know that Anne, but he was my everything, and he was taken away from me. Is this God's way of saying I'm not supposed to have him in my life?! He could've found a better way... He didn't have to take him away permanently..." 

"I know Niall... I know." She whispered, pulling me into a hug. It was there we cried together at Harry's grave side, we were almost in a way each other's rocks...

And god knew I need the support. 

__________

It was exactly three weeks later when the police finally caught the killer. I wasn't all that surprised when they told me it was Louis. I guessed as much from what Harry had told me the night before he had passed. I got the chance to talk to him before the took him off to the hell hole he'd be stuck in for the rest of his life. He sat on the other side of the plastic wall, a small smirk on his face. He held the black telephone against his ear, waiting for me to pick up on the other end. 

"Hello Niall." He sneered, humor clear in his voice. 

"Don't treat me as if I'm your friend Louis. We are anything but friends." 

"I never said we were friends. Now do tell me Niall... To what do I deserve this fine visit for?"

"I want to know why."

"Why what?" 

"Why did you kill him? Why did you take him away from me?" I bit my lip as I felt the sudden wave of emotion come over me. His smirk only grew wider though, and he licked his lips softly.

"Because you never deserved him. I deserved him. He was always suppsed to be mine, never yours. It's your fault you know. If you'd just left like the good little boy you're supposed to be... He might be alive right now."

"What do you know about whether or not he deserved me? He sure as hell never needed you. You're a psyco! You fucking killed him!" 

"Only because he wouldn't see reason. The fact that he loved you was the reason I killed him. If I couldn't have him, no one could."

"You sicken me. I don't fucking care if you die in prision. In fact I hope you do you fucking bastard." With that I hung up the phone, and stared at him in complete horror as he laughed at me. 

_________

Life without Harry was hard.

Harder than the time before....

There were days where I just wanted to give up....

But then I was reminded that there was more than just me to think about now. I had Lizzie.... 

She was the glue that put me back together...

Or at least as well as she could...

Cause despite all the glue, I still had cracks...

The paint was chipped...

I had been broken... 

And there was no way to ever truly fix me.

You can never control who you fall in love with, even when you're in the most sad, confused time of your life. You don't fall in love with people because they're fun. It just happens.

~Kirsten Dunst

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So here it is, the final chapter.

I'll be posting the epilogue once I get home from school.

Dedication goes to my boobear for making me the lovely trailer (if it'll post) on the side.

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And

Votte

Connie xx

PS: I love you xx