Make Me Break (n.h. + h.s.)(Punk!Niall)

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

I shot up in my bed, gasping for breath and I couldn't help the hot tears that left my eyes. For the past week I've had nightmares, all of them involving me dying in some sort of way.

It was some pretty scary shit, but for some reason when I was dreaming.... They didn't feel like nightmares... They felt normal.

They felt like I was living in them...

Maybe that's what scares me the most... 

Or maybe it's the fact that I want them to be real most of the time... 

After I calm down, I always have this sense of disappointment... 

Disappointment in the fact I was still fucking breathing. 

I didn't want that anymore, but it seems every time I try, I only end up failing. 

I glanced down to my hand, now covered in bandages... but the incident was still fresh in my mind.

I was losing it... either that or I already had lost it. 

No one punches a mirror for no reason...

You're nothing 

I flinched inwardly, shaking my head trying to rid myself of that damn voice in my head...

It was always there... always talking to me. 

"Niall? You up?" Liam's voice sounded on the other side of the door... He was another reason why I'm still here... He's come so close to seeing me attempt...

That's the last thing I want Liam to see... I'd never be able to forgive myself.

"Y-Yeah. Be out in a sec." 

"Hurry your ass up! Breakfast is on the table, and we're supposed to go to Zayn's for that party." 

"Okay..." I quickly threw on a pair of sweats, and a t-shirt (being since I only slept in boxers), leaving my room to find Liam already sitting at the kitchen table. He was sipping at a cup of tea, a book perched in his lap. I didn't eat the food that sat in front of me, instead I picked at it, moving it around my plate to make it appear as if I had. Liam eventually looked up from his book, and a small gasp escaped his lips.

"Niall... You look awful..." He whispered, making me chuckle slightly.

"Thank you Liam, that's exactly what I want to hear first thing in the morning. Makes me feel pretty damn special. Anything else you'd like to point out?" 

"That sounded better in my head... but seriously Niall..."

"Seriously what? Am I really that ugly?"

"You just look like you haven't slept for weeks..." Liam's eyes were studying my face, and I tried my hardest to shrug it off as if it wasn't any big deal.

"Only a week... I'm fine Liam." 

"No you're not..."

"Yes I fucking am... Leave it alone."

"Niall... I think you need he-"

"I said leave it alone!" I slammed my hands onto the table, pushing my chair back as I got up from the table.

"I can't leave it alone! Dammit Niall can't you fucking see you're killing yourself?!"

"I said I'm fine! Now fucking leave it at that, and leave me alone about it! It's not that fucking hard Liam."

"If you think I'm just going to sit on the sidelines and watch you kill yourself... You're wrong Niall... You're so fucking wrong."

"Whoever said you had to watch me?" I spat at him, and started to walk away from the kitchen to my room once more.