Make Me Break (n.h. + h.s.)(Punk!Niall)

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen 

"Do you still hate me?" His voice was rough, just barely over a whisper. 

"Ask me again tomorrow." I whispered back, just enjoying the feeling of being back in his arms again. It grew silent after that, and before long I was falling asleep.

And for the first time in a long time... I didn't have nightmares. 

When I woke up the next morning, I was still tangled up in Harry. He held me close, my nose nearly touching his chest. I felt at peace.

I felt... Happy. 

Which really wasn't something I felt anymore. 

His breathing kept me calm, and the feeling of his skin against mine was... It was just too hard to explain. I felt like I was in heaven when I was with him.... but I also felt as if I was in hell.

My heart was still broken, probably broken beyond repair, yet I'm still putting myself in this situation. I'm allowing him back in, or at least I want to. I want him, I want us, but I"m also scared. I'm so goddamn terrified that if I let him in again, he'll just leave.

Breaking me further than I already am, even if that's not possible anymore.

But what's life without a little risk right?

It's pretty goddamn boring one, but I just can't put my foot that far out on the edge. 

"Morning." I still wasn't used to his voice, the way it sounded so sweet, yet still so bitter. 

"Morning." My fingers danced along his chest, and I smiled softly as I saw the lovebites that covred him.

"How long have you been up?"

"Not long..."

"Good, you hungry?" 

"Kinda, but I can wait... I kinda just wanna lay here."

"Well then I'll let you sleep, and go make us something to eat." He moved his arms from my waist, and I freaked out a little, grabbing his hands.

"No... I want you to stay here. Don't leave me." 

"Okay... If that's what you want then I won't go."

"I don't ever want you to leave."

"Then I won't. If that's what you want, then I won't leave you." Harry sighed, wrapping his arms around my waist once more. I moved in closer, if that was even possible. My face was pressed against his chest, breathing in the scent that is Harry.

"Do you think we could talk?"

"About what?" 

"About what happened last night... about us..." Harry whispered the last part, probably not intending me to hear. My breath stopped for a few seconds, my hands curling into fists.

"What about last night?"

"Oh I don't know Niall, maybe the fact you showed up at my apartment and the fact we had sex. I thought you hated me! You give me so many mixed signals, I just never know if you hate me, or if you actually think I'm a human being. I can never tell if you actually want me to pretend I care, or if you want me to care. I never know with you anymore..."

"I came last night cause you're the only one I can be with without waking up the next morning feeling like shit. You make me feel like I matter, like the old me is finally back.... I want to be me again."

"Having sex with me Niall isn't how you get the old you back..."

"It's the only way I know right now. There's a part of me that still loves you, and wants you to keep  me in your arms forever, but the other part wants nothing to do with you. I don't even want you to smile at me cause all I see is the pain you caused me. I can't help but feel that while I was crying, you were laughing. I feel like everything you said was a lie... that every "I love you" was a lie. It feels like I gave you all but I got nothing in return. It's like I've been sitting in the dark... Still waiting for you... Still loving you." I felt a few tears escape my eyes, and I just couldn't look at him. This was the most I had ever said to him... to anyone really about how I felt. 

"You know I still love you Niall... I've told you so many times already... Why can't you just let us be us again?"

"Don't you see that we can't ever be us again though?! Can't you see that the us we were... Is gone? It left like you did, and unlike you... It's never going to come back." 

"Are you going to hold that against me for forever? At least I came back! And at least I'm fucking trying."

"Stop trying then. I don't want to love you anymore...."

"Then what the fuck am I suppose to do?! Do you want me to pretend that I don't fucking love you anymore?! Do you want me to just give up on you?! On us?!"

"I don't fucking know anymore! I don't even know who I am, or what the fuck I want anymore. You've already taken everything from me! What more could you possibly want?!"

"You! I fucking want you, but that's the one thing you won't give me." 

"You had me Harry... but you lost that chance the second you left me."

"And you're not giving me a chance to make up for it! That's all I need is a chance! Please Niall... Just give me a chance." His eyes were begging me now, and for a moment I thought I saw the old him... The old us.

"I can't though..."

"Why not? Why is it so hard to give me a chance?"

"Because Harry, I don't want to risk giving you a chance... I can't risk it."

"What's life without a little risk? Give me a chance... that's all I'm asking for right now... Is a chance." I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment.

I couldn't believe I was going to do this.... 

"Then I'll give you a chance, but only one."

 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Alright...

So...

I have a very important question.

Today... Well I guess it was last night, I thought of a sequel for this story, but I just wanna know if I should do that.

If I do the sequel this story right here would be 25 chapters, then the sequel would probably be 20+ chapters.

If I don't do the sequel, I'll be making this story about 30 or so chapters. 

I've had experience where when I make sequels no one reads them, so I also need to be positive that you guys will read it...

So yeah.

Let me know.

Dedication: 

Niallspecs

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