Make Me Break (n.h. + h.s.)(Punk!Niall)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Five

Do you ever feel like your entire life is a dream?

Or perhaps you'd prefer reality?

At this moment, I wish my life was a dream... I wish that all of this was just some sick nightmare that I could just wake up from. 

But this was no dream... No matter how badly I wanted it to be. 

Niall was dead... He wasn't here anymore..

He left me, in more ways than one, and now well... I won't ever get the chance to be with him again. 

And that killed me more than anything. 

I could've lived with the fact he would'nt be with me... I would've been okay, but he's gone... Gone for good and I can't breathe.

It hurts to breathe. 

It hurts to do anything if I'm honest. 

I tried my hardest to stay strong for Lizzie, pretend everything was okay, fake a smile for her, but it was so hard.

I couldn't do it, and instead spent most of my nights bawling my eyes out. I reread that letter he left me over and over again.

I even went as far to call his phone just to hear his voice on the voice mail. 

I was just causing myself more pain, but I just couldn't let him go like that. He was my everything... 

There was a knock at the door, making me escape my moment of self loathing, and bitter tears.  I wiped at my eyes, opening the door to see Liam. He didn't look much better than me. 

"Hi.." He said, not even bothering to give me a smile. I stepped out of the way, letting him inside of the apartment. He didn't say anything else for a moment, just standing in my living room. I shut the door behind us, leaning against it as he stood there.

It was silent

Too silent, but I knew that he was going through the exact same thing as me.

Neither of us wanted to lose him, but yet we both did. 

Liam finally left the center of my living room, and picked up a picture that sat on my end table. He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head before putting it back. Then what happened next surprised me, Liam made his way across the room, throwing his arms around my neck. He let out a small sob, and I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist. 

"Y-You re-really lo-loved hi-him.." Liam sobbed out, burying his face into my shoulder.

"I did, but I don't think he ever really loved me Liam.." I got out before finally joining my friend in the sob fest, together we cried. 

"H-He d-did. I k-know he d-did." 

"I-If he di-did, wh-why'd h-he le-leave?" LIam didn't answer me. I don't really know how long we cried, but it felt like forever. Somehow during all the crying, we'd ended up on the floor, gazing up at my ceiling. 

"Do you remember that one time when Ni kissed that girl to prove he wasn't gay?" Liam whispered, and I chuckled, nodding my head. 

"Yeah, but then he realized he was gay." 

"Or that one time when he was scared to ask you out? Pissed his pants when he did."

"Remember when he ran away from home?"

"But only wen to the neighbors house?" I nodded, and Liam let out a small laugh. That was how the next few hours went, remembering about Niall, but we didn't cry anymore, instead we laughed at all the things Niall had done. It was like old times in a way, but Niall still wasn't there to join us. 

"Do you think that if I'd been there for him.. He'd still be here?" Liam whispered after it'd grown quiet for a while. 

"You were always there for him Liam, god all he did was complain about how you would'nt get off his back. You were there for him when he needed you the most, you never left Li, he's the one who left." 

"I just feel like I could've done more... That maybe if I tried harder.. I could've saved him. He saved me Harry, and I couldn't do the same for him..."

"You did save him in a way Li... You kept him breathing until I got back. If it's anyone's fault for him being gone now, it's mine. It's my fucking fault that he's dead. Maybe if I hadn't of come back... He'd still be here." 

"No... Harry when you came back, I swear to god Niall came back too, maybe he didn't show that to you, but god... He was there. He was smiling, laughing... Being Niall. You were always the one thing that made him happy, and when he lost you... It was like we lost Niall too. He didn't leave his room for two weeks until I finally forced him out. He refused to talk to anyone, rarely looked us in the eye. I can't really tell you when he started with the drugs and the alcohol, cause I frankly have no clue. It just happened... Niall was practically gone, and I didn't have him anymore... I tried so damn hard to get him back, but I felt like he kept pushing me away. He didn't want my help, but he knew he needed it."

"You did the best you could Liam, and in the end the fact you tried is all that mattered. It's my fault... I left, and I can't change that. I can sit here and hate myself for it as often as I want, but it's never gonna fucking change the fact that the boy who I knew was the one is gone. He left me, and I can't help but feel like he did it in the most selfish way possible. Why? Cause he didn't take me with him." A stray tear left my eye, and I wiped it away just as quick as it had come. I was finally speaking my mind, getting the feelings out. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right, he was selfish. But I also understand why he left Harry... When you reach that place, where it just feels like everything around you is dead. You start to wonder why you're even breathing... What's the point in even living anymore? You start to destroy yourself... and I know this because I was there Harry... I knew what Niall was feeling, but he didn't believe me." 

"I don't think he believed in anyone, not even himself." 

"I think you're right, and I also think that's what broke him." Liam's voice cracked slightly at the end, but I didn't care. My eyes were still focused on the ceiling, his words sinking in. 

"Make me break..." I whispered, blinking back the tears as they started to return.

"Make me break..."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This isn't the last chapter just an fyi. I've got a plan for the end of this story now.

Probably 5 or 6 more chapters

Don't quote me on that though, cause as previously stated I'm a liar.

I'm also kinda on a hiatus, so if it takes forever for an update, I'm sorry?

I'll update when I feel like updating, not when you want me to. (That was not meant to sound rude.) 

Dedication: 

bcnarryok

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