The Life Of A Veterans Wife.

Constant reminders.

Time really wasn't on my side. Average time now days after having a cesarean section was a minimum of 24 hours in the hospital and no more than that unless there were complications during delivery. I knew the next day doc would be making his rounds and telling me if the peds doc said it was safe for Jessica to go home there would be no reasons for me to stay any longer.

Raymond really was excited after Swartz had made his departure from the hospital. Seeing my disappointed look he apologized for his co-workers appearance. I asked what we were going to do if the doctor said I had to go home the next day and that Jessica couldnt. Raymond assured me if it came to that we would be up every day to see her until it was safe for her to come home.

I cried again and Raymond just held me. He buzzed for the nurse to take Jessica back to the ward so we both could get some rest. We had a big day ahead of us the following day. It was Jessica's visit with the neonatal peds specialist to see if it was safe to discharge her from the hospital. Also doc had said if it was safe for her he didn't see any reasons for me to be staying either and he would send me home.

I wasn't ready to leave the hospital. The nurse came and took Jessica back to the ward. While the other nurse helped me into the bathroom and back into bed. She dosed me with pain meds and off she went. It was about six in the morning when the new shift nurse came in to make her rounds.

Waking me to do vitals she asked how I was feeling. I started to cry and begged her to tell the doctor I wasn't ready to leave...that I couldn't leave because this hospital is where my children were born just one and half days ago. That my little baby son lost his life and his body was some where in this hospital and I didn't want to leave him...the nurse looked shocked. She assured me he was with God and watching over me and said my son would want me to move on and be happy.

She told me Jessica needed me and Julian needed me to keep going for them. As she finished her rounds Raymond began to stir from his slumber. Staring out I just cried. Raymond tried to console me. It just wasn't working.

When the doc made his rounds he gave us the news from the neonatal peds doc and said Jessica was clear to leave today. To my horror he said those dreaded words of me being discharged as well. He gave me a once over and signed off on my discharge even though I protested. Raymond got up and prepared to pack our things and Jessica's things. He called for the nurse to bring Jessica down so we could prep her for our departure. Raymond left briefly before the nurse was to bring Jessica so he could notify my mother of our discharge and our return home.

Feeding Jessica when Raymond returned he was excited to be going home with Jessica and myself in tow. Rushing to put the things in the car so we wouldn't be bombarded with a bunch to carry we could just freely move about as we walked out with Jessica. He helped me into a fresh change of clothes after my shower and the nurse came into have me sign my final discharge papers.

Raymond strapped Jessica into her new car seat and we were ready once transport arrived. When they got there they said I had to hold Jessica and not have her in the seat she was in. It is hospital policy. So Raymond removed her from her seat and handed her to me once I was settled into the wheelchair. I wanted to walk but they insisted once again hospital policy is that I be wheeled out of the hospital for safety reasons.

Raymond had pulled the car close and helped me in after putting Jessica in the back seat securely. As we drove off he took such care of making sure he didn't drive to fast or hit any pot holes in the road. Looking at me as to let me know we would be ok he gave my hand a quick squeeze and returned it back to the wheel as he drove.

He informed me that my father would be meeting us at the house along with my mother and Trista. I really didn't want to go home and begged him to take me back to the hospital through tears. He told me we couldn't that it was time to be home and in our own bed and it was time our family to include Julian to meet Jessica.

Once we pulled in we realized everyone was there already....