STUCK IN TIME

(xxv) Book 1: Chapter 20_ His hard life

ASHER'S POV

Falling in love is beautiful and magical.

I read it somewhere and I was rolling my eyes saying those love birds are fucking crazy.

Well turns out I am crazy too. But sure thing is that besides being magical its dreadful too. Obviously something that is beautiful and magical must be dreadful. Not in an ugly way but in a way that can't be defined accurately. One fear is the fear of heights or depth, people or ghosts. But this fear, fear of falling in love, this dread is.. undefinable.. inexpressible.

Everyone has some greatest fear. Mine was falling in love. Not because of the idea of love or because of the commitment. But because of the fact that with love comes your weakness. So basically I didn't want anyone to be my weakness. But if you could get what you want then wouldn't life be perfect?

That was my fear about love before I fell in love.

Now my fears are more and now the definition I can understand is quite accurately "Beautiful, magical but dreadful too."

Dreadful may seem a strong word. But for my case it fits accurately.

Kitten.. Aka Ayana Zaroon, the girl currently sleeping peacefully in my arms, has been my greatest weakness for so long.

Since the day my father left my mother, I had been afraid of love. I could only afford to love my mom and I just wanted everybody else to leave me alone.

Then, a sweet little girl came to this sad little boy on his first day of school in return got a glass of milk being emptied on her head. I laugh at the memory but that just explains how afraid I had been of getting close to people even as a child. Anyone who tried to be nice to me got the same response in return. I avoided her to the best of my abilities till the day I became friends with Zayn and because she was like glued to him so I had to befriend her.

I guess it was then. When I realized that maybe friends aren't that bad. So I decided to stop being stubborn and made two friends. Zayn and Ayana. Ayana.. Ayana Zaroon.

I remember one day I was casually sitting in the class not listening to a word being said by the teacher instead drawing absent minded-ly on my book. Zayn sitting beside me nudged me and asked me why am I writing Ayana's name on my book. I looked at my book and noticed that what I drew was actually her name AYANA ZAROON. I was offended. Yes I was a crazy kid. I hated her for the reason that I drew the alphabets that represented her name and I hated her because she somehow was in my head all the time. Thats when I stopped calling her Ayana. So that if someday again I drift off and draw something like this its not even by mistake, her name.

I stopped being the grumpy kid after a year or two and started being extra sweet around her. I was also happy here now and didn't miss my dad or brother or step mom. I loved staying with my mom or else playing with Zayn Emir and Ayana.

I didn't know at that time what a crush was. But when we were I guess fourteen, I could tell that she is the girl I have a crush on.

Everything was starting to look perfect till the day I did something which made her hate me. I had hurt her unintentionally. I hadn't meant to and I had an explanation. But I was more hurt when she didn't give me a chance to explain. When she broke my heart that had just started to believe in relationships, in friendship and that had started to to be happy. As a last resort I wrote her a letter, because she refused to even face me. In that letter I told her that I like her a lot and I explained her why I did what I did. But luck wasn't on my side.