With you I feel loved

Chapter 27

Jen's POV

"I saw you writing something. What were you writing??"
"Come on Harry! Relax! I was writing you a birthday card!"

Brief silence.

"Oh..." Harry loosens his grip on my arm.
"Well. Can I read it?"
"Not yet. I wasn't really finished yet. I started writing and I couldn't find the right words, so I'd like to finish writing back in the castle."

"Aha. Okay then. Don't you just have to write something like 'Happy Birthday Harry'?"
There he is completely true. I also wrote only that. Now when we get back I must write a lot of meaningful stuff on his fucking postcard. But ofcourse, I couldn't let him know I was writing for Beau.

"Yeah.. But that's so cliche. I mean, I did get to live with you for 14 days now. So I got the chance to know you a bit more than other people in my circles. So I can write something more personal for you than just a standard 'happy birthday harry'."

"Hmm.. Fair enough. Okay let's go back to the castle."
We do as he says and 30 minutes later we arrive at the castle again.

We walk to the elevator and go to the 5th floor. That's Harry's game room with his pool table, air hockey table, dart board, bowling, car + motor racing game, television with xbox and Wii. And there's a bar.

"So. I think I'm gonna enjoy myself here for the next tenthousand hours you need to finish that letter of yours. When you're finished, feel free to join me."

Did he just said that? I am allowed to go to my own room and back again all by myself? That's new.

"Okay." I laugh a little. Harry leaves the elevator and klicks the button of the 9th floor for me. From there I take the small stairs to my room in the tower. Now what will I write for him?

"Dear Harry" I start.

Sometimes you have those moments in life where you don't know exactly what your future looks like. You're not a hundred percent sure if what you're doing is the right thing.

Right now, I have one of those moments. The first time I had a moment like this was when Beau and I started dating. Is he the one for me? Will I be able to find happiness in my life with him? Will he hurt me or whill he care for me?

Does he really love me or does he have other intentions with me? All those questions. Most of them were answered in those 3 years I've been with him.

Except one. "Is he the one for me?"

I still don't know. I thought I knew. But being here in this castle, away from him, I realize I don't really miss him.
I only feel like I need to see him to explain why I left suddenly.

When he left to Los Angeles I missed him to pieces. But maybe that was just because we don't spend so much time apart and we never actually travel together. We're always busy doing other things.

When he left one week, I felt alone. I longed to his arms around my waist. His kisses in my neck. Just his precence.

Though in this tower of yours I've got some time to think. I now know I didn't especially missed HIS precence, but just any precence at all. I don't like being alone.

I notice right now that I don't miss him like a normal girlfriend would miss her boyfriend. I thank you for making me realise that.

So right now, at this point in my life, I don't know how my future will look like. I hope I can go to New York soon to tell Beau how I feel. It will be hard, but I'm sure it's the right thing to do.

I want freedom, I want happiness, I want love. Real love.

Anyway, here's all you expected from this letter and I'm finally gonna say it: "happy birthday Harry". I hope your life will be less complicated than mine has been so far.

You're a good guy.

Love, Jennifer

I don't know why I write all of this to Harry. It's the first time I really dare to say, dare to write, how I really feel.
I've been struggling with my feelings for a long time. I just never dare to admit it for myself.

I don't know why I share my feelings with Harry so openly now all of a sudden. And I don't know why I write it on his birthday card..

I just have to undertake some action. I've been here for 2 weeks now and I can't live the rest of my life in uncertainty. I need to break free. And this is the time to do it.

Let's bring this letter to Harry.