On The Run [phan]

epilogue.

Dan was sat next to Phil on the couch.  It was a hazy morning, the sun casting long shadows on the two through the small window.  Phil's fingers trailed up and down Dan's arm mindlessly, focused on the television.  Curling his legs up Dan wished things could be the same.  But they weren't.

Ever since that night, that horrible awful night Dan has changed.  He jumps at every sound, the sight of a knife bringing back terrible flashbacks.  He can't leave his house without Phil.  And even then he doesn't let go of his arm.   

"He's dead because of me!"  Dan sobbed helplessly pacing around the small apartment.  With one look at the slumped body, Dan tripped over his wobbly knees.  Falling onto the ground he dry heaved, clutching at his chest.  He hadn't ate anything and he was glad of it.  

A twisted feeling settled in his chest heavily.  He was a murderer.  He killed someone.  He didn't know what he was thinking.  He could have tackled him, could have called the police.  Anything, but no.  He jabbed a fucking knife into his neck.  And the smell of his body is making Dan dry heave again.  

Phil settled next to him, his eyes calm.  How is he calm?  Someone tried to kill him.  If this was the crazy past he was talking about then he sure was right.  It was crazy.  Dan suspected bad family issues, maybe a small run in with drugs or underage drinking or something.  Not this. 

"I'm sorry."  Phil comforted grabbing Dans wrist, "Look me in the eyes."  

Dan couldn't, he couldn't focus.  He kept looking at the body. 

"Dan."  Phil followed his gaze and stood up draping a blanket over the man and returning back, "Daniel James Howell, look at me." 

He did that, his breathing uneven, his hands shaking.  He nodded tears rolling down his face.

"This is not your fault."  Phil reassured, "Dan, Dan, stop looking down, look at my eyes."  Dan peeled his gaze off of his bloody wrists that painted Phil's fingers red, "Samuel was a bad man, okay?" 

"O-okay."  Dan stuttered.  

"I'm sorry.  This is what I was running from."  The calmness in his eyes evaporated, "This is my fault okay.  Blame me.  I didn't want to pull you into this.  You don't deserve this."

Dan was going to say something but three men in uniform walked in looking confused. Phil placed a quick kiss on Dan's forehead and rushed over to the officers. 

Dan decided that he was going to take an indefinite break from working or school.  Phil needed something to keep him busy and found a job as something.  Dan wasn't sure.  He just knows he wears a suit and tie and kissed Dan goodbye every morning like he was a sixties housewife.  A housewife who suffers from extreme emotional trauma and separation anxiety. But he would flash a nice smile for his boyfriend.  So the stories are probably quite the same. 

They decided to move to London to get away from the small towns they were both too used to.  They found a small apartment for a cheap price that was actually bigger than the one Phil had previously lived it.  

Dan had found out about Phil's past completely.  The affair he had with his teacher.  The abuse, the blame.  Dan knew everything.  He understood with open arms. Phil was surprised but took the response gratefully. 

Phil buys Dan canvases and paints in hopes he will return to his art. Perhaps one day Dan could pick up a paintbrush again.  Until then Dan is surrounded by the off-white squares and rectangles.  Phil says that Dan could paint professionally, sell them. 

But Dan has changed.  A part of him is gone and never coming back.  His biggest fear is for Phil to realize this and decide he doesn't love him anymore.  

"Do you want me to grab us something from Gabes?"  Phil sat up on the couch referring to the Italian place across the street.

"I would love that, you know what I want?" Dan smiled up at Phil.

"Yes, I do."  And with a final soft kiss on his lips, Phil was gone. 

And Dan was left alone with the horrible memories once again.  Phil may have escaped his traumas with the cost of a life but the blood only transferred onto Dan's hands.  

He was slowly losing it. 

AN: i finished this mf book. it was nice to revisit OTR. i missed this lil story.  it just took me ten billion years to decide on the perfect ending.  but im content with this.  

anyway, thanks for sticking around ! this was so much fun to write.

-if you want to read some more of my dumb writing i have a one shot book and another story called Summer School- 

okay byeE