At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

I have common sense

The tour just ended a few days ago. It was pretty fun and all, seeing all the kids have fun and actually like our music. I never thought so many of them would be able to sing along with me when i put the mic out the crowd. It was just plain out amazing. But it's all over now. Now i'm back to be alone at home. Lloyd, Johnny and Dan are all at their own place with their girlfriends doing who knows what. Lexus is also at her own apartment.

I feel so alone. It's all getting to me, all the breakups and all the things I've been called. I can't take this anymore. I took a knife and slid it across my wrist. I always tried not to cut, but i can't hold back from it anymore. To me cutting is common sense, after all that's happened.

I don't like asking for help from my friends. I'm not even sure if they know i feel this way, so how do i just bring up ' hey i want to kill myself, please help me.' Maybe i should.

I texted Lloyd. "Are you busy? I'm not feeling too great" I've known Brad since i was like 13, so if anyone can help me it's him. He's been there through all of my suffering, even if he didn't know exactly how i felt. He replied a few minutes later. "Yeah i'm out with Dahlia. I can't talk right now." Oh well. She's more important anyways. I tried texting Lexus but she didn't reply. I'm starting to feel worse. What did i expect? I mean who would care about me. I'm nothing.

Nothing i do makes me happy at this point. Yes music does help, but i just can't. I've tried everything. Therapy, medication, meditation, you name it I've tried it. Even the negative things, like self harm and drinking. This is all so pointless. I'm done. It all ends tonight. I grabbed the bottle of painkillers and my anti depressants out of the kitchen shelf. I spilled the pills on to the counter. I took my phone and got on twitter. I took picture of all the pills and posted it with a caption 'Yeah....Goooooiioooodbye' I accidentally clicked on some I's but i don't even care i just want to end this as fast a possible.

I swallowed the pills with a bottle of whiskey. It didn't kick in right away so i saw all the tweets i was getting. Craig replied to my tweet saying. 'Everyone please tweet nick and tell him he's worth it! This is no joke!!! Idk what to do :(' Wow he's telling them to lie to me how sweet. I am not worth saving. Every single one of my followers began spamming me saying things like 'don't do it' 'I love you Nick please don't end it' and 'suicide isn't the answer'

I curled up into a ball. My vision began to blur. Then everything went black.