At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

Every time i try i F%#&ing fail

I woke up. My vision was blurry so i blinked a few times to clear it. The light above me is blinding. I have an iv in my forearm and an oxygen mask on my face. My head ached and my stomach was in knots. How did i get here? Why am i here? I can't remember anything. The nurse by me noticed i was awake.

"How are you feeling" she asked me, removing the oxygen mask from my face.

"Sick." i answered "Why am i here?"

"You tried to overdose on your medication." she said.

Everything came back. I had failed! I guess someone called a hotline on me. It was probably Craig. "Oh.. yeah"

"We recommend you stay here for a few days, until we can make sure you're mentally stable." she told me. "We have also noticed scars on your chest and wrists."

Well then. So not only did i survive, but now everyone's gonna i know i self harm and that i'm severely depressed and suicidal. And i will have to stay in a mental institution. Great.

Lloyd, Johnny and Dan walked into the room.

"Hey Nick" Lloyd said. "Hey I'm sorry for not helping you last night. I feel awful. I could've prevented this." He seemed really guilty and emotional.

"Dude don't be sorry. This was bound to happen." i told him.

"No i was stupid."

"Can't argue with that" Johnny laughed, making me laugh.

"Shut it i wasn't talking to you" he joked back. It's funny how goofy these guys can be, even when their friend is lying in a hospital bed. They really know how to lighten the mood.

"So Nick, how are you feeling?" asked Dan.

"Pretty terrible." i admitted with a laugh.

"Even when we come to visit you." Lloyd joked.

"No that's exactly why it's terrible" I teased. He smiled as he rolled his eyes.

"No but seriously what happened Nick" Johnny asked me sympathetically.

I didn't want to answer that question. I don't know how to. "I don't know"

"C'mon you can tell us" they all said in unison, which was kinda creepy.

"I honestly don't know how to answer the question. Cuz i don't want to" I told them.

"It's fine, i'm not going to force you to tell us" Johnny said.

"Thank you"

Days went by, and i was going insane. I wrote down everything i felt, hoping to make a song out of it. My mind was so clouded, i couldn't think well enough to put anything together. My band members came and visited me a few times throughout the week. The doctors upped my dosage for anti depressants and gave me anti anxiety meds too. I was really awkward when i had to interact with other people there. It's not i didn't like them, it's just that i'm the most awkward person ever. I don't understand why girls find that attractive in me; i heard my awkwardness adds to my charm.

The whole time i was here Lexus didn't come visit me, which is kind of hurtful. Lloyd said she asked how i was, but to be honest that's not that great of her. I mean the boys come every now and then with some weird ass card they found or made and all she does is ask Brad how i am. I guess that's as much love i can get, ever.