At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

Screaming on the Inside.. And outside

Lloyd and I went back to his place in our own cars. I took a long route to attain more alone time. I've had a bad day and don't want to hit anyone again, so isolating myself is the best option right now.

I set my phone to shuffle my music playlist. There was some Blink 182, Slipknot, Famous Last Words, and My Chemical Romance along with other random songs in the mix. getting lost in the music, I let myself relax. I rolled down the windows to let cold air in. 

I got 'home' 20 minutes after Lloyd did. He seemed kinda confused as to why I took so much longer to arrive when we left from the same place at the same time, but he didn't ask; I assume he understood what I did. I laid on the couch I've claimed as my bed, and sighed. Not long after, I fell asleep.

I was later awoken by a vibration, followed by my ringtone. I pulled my out of my pocket to see who was calling me. It's Jessica. I swiped to pick up.

"Hey" I answered.

"Nick, I need to talk to you." She said, softly. The first thing that those words made me think of was that she planned on breaking up on me. 

"Yeah, what's up" My voice wavered, at the fear of being dumped for what felt like the thousandth time.

"I have to go back to Chicago soon." 

My heart dropped. Really? Now? Why does the person that's been helping me the most have to be the one who has to leave. And why now? I asked, "What? Why?"

"Well I had come here as a vacation, but then you were here and I just couldn't leave. But I kinda have to now." She explained, "I have to go home, and be with my family for a while, I'll be back in about a month and a half"

"But... But that's when I go on tour." I mumbled.

"That's right.. Maybe I can go with you." She suggested.

"I mean maybe, but I don't know if we'll have enough bunks." 

"Oh"

"Do you have to go?" I asked, like a little kid.

"Yes, Nick." She said.

I sighed in response. "Well now what?"

"I don't know." she replied, "Let's hang out tomorrow."

"OK, see you then, I guess."

"Bye."

"I love you..." I told her for the first time.

"I love you too."

As soon as she hung up i flopped back to the couch and screamed into the pillow. Realizing that I wasn't alone, I stopped and just screamed on the inside, hoping Lloyd hadn't heard me the first time. He walked into the room, looking at me with sympathy.

"You alright?"

"Jessica's leaving for Chicago!" I yelled.

"Oh.." He came up next to me and patted my back. Does patting my back ever actually help? NO it doesn't. "You'll be okay" He said. Does saying 'you'll be okay' really make me be more optimistic?No! "You still have me, I can be Jessica while she's gone" He joked. I rolled my eyes, but not in a 'shut the hell up you're not funny' way.

(A/N sorry for the long wait for the few people who actually read this as I post. Something kinda came up which kept me from wanting to post. I was also in a bit of a writer's block. But here it is hope you enjoyed)