At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

I lost my self in a bottle of gin

I heard the door open behind us. It was Lloyd with holding a mug.

"Here i got you some coffee. I hope it helps."

"Do you have anything with alcohol in it." i asked, a bit embarrassed. I love coffee, i really do, but hot caffeine isn't going to make my memory fade out.

"Um. I'm not giving you alcohol." he stated.

"Why not? It's not like i'll die" even though i kinda want to.

"You might not die but you're doing to get wasted to try to forget everything and it's not going to fix anything." he argued.

"Lloyd don't worry about what i'm doing. You worry about you and let me be." i was pissed, but that was rude. I regret it already. I'm such a jerk, he's just trying to help.

"Nick i'm not-" i cut him off by getting up. I went inside and looked for anything that could get me drunk enough to pass out.

"What are you doing?" both Lloyd and Johnny asked at the same time.

I found a bottle of what looked like gin, and headed out of the kitchen. Lloyd got in front of me to block me from going anywhere, but i just pushed him out of the way. I locked myself in the bathroom, sat on the floor the opened the bottle. It was mostly full. Not for long.

"Nick open the door" Lloyd shouted from the other side of the door, banging on it. I didn't answer, i just gulped down as much as i could at a time. Usually when i do this, i take it a bit slower. One cup at a time, many many times, but i'm not waiting to slowly be put under the influence. I want to go under as soon as possible, forget as soon as possible, black out as soon as possible.

I walked out with my head spinning. I'm stupid that was too fast. I can't control myself. I started laughing uncontrollably for no reason. My steps are wobbly and clumsy. To top it all off i have a knife in my hand.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Johnny questioned with a terrified look on his face.

"I don't know" i replied smiling.

"What are you going to do with it?" Lloyd asked.

Without a response, i gashed my forearm, as began to get teary eyes.

"HOLY SHIT!" Johnny exclaimed, as he and Brad shot towards me. Lloyd tried getting the knife out of my grip but i wouldn't let it go for the life of me. Johnny wrapped his arms around me trying to hold me still. Blood streamed out of my arm and onto the floor, my hands, and Johnny. I sobbed, pushing them away trying to make another slash on my arm. All that replayed in my head was walking into my kitchen and staring at Lexus be unfaithful on the table.

They finally succeeded in taking away the knife from me. I collapsed on to the floor letting out every cry i had ever bottled up. Every sob i had cried into my pillow. Every bit of pain i hid behind a smile.

"Uh oh" i heard one of them say. I can't really tell which one said it though. I couldn't stop bawling, everything hurt so bad. I got louder and louder. I felt their hands on my shoulders as they sat on each of my sides. Why did i drag them into this? They shouldn't have to put up with me! All i cause is problems. I'm a disastrous nightmare that was made by mistake.