At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

I need someone like you to show me i got so much to lose

Days went along, as i worsened by the minute. This time i'm determined to hide it. I don't want to worry anyone, no one must feel at fault, i can't be a burden. Every time i looked into the mirror, i felt such resentment towards myself. I always smiled, i told everyone i felt better, but it's all lies.

Lloyd found my old song in a box in his closet. Since i didn't have a computer or phone as a 14 year old, it was done on paper. The paper was wrinkled and the writing was faded. When i looked at it, it was like i went back to sitting in my room, upset at the fact that my former girlfriend had just stabbed me in the back. The lyrics were ok. I can re-write and make it a lot 'better.'

' You tried to take me, you tried to take me alive. But God knows you lied. I couldn't see, but know the light is bright. Maybe i should slit my wrists, you know i've never been fucked like this.'

First verse.alright.

"I can't believe it's been ten years since Sobrina was used me to get close to you." i said.

"Wait, What?"

"You know, the best part was that she was also cheating on me at the same time."

"How is that the best part?" he asked, kind of laughing.

"Also she told me she hated me and that every time i kissed her she died a little inside." i stated.

"Oh, oh Geez."

"And then smacked me and punched me in the stomach."

"Dude, why didn't you tell me this then?" he asked really worried.

"Cuz, it's embarrassing" i chuckled to hide that looking back at this actually hurt. "Well it's all good now,? No need to keep talking about this."

"Yeah"

At around seven, i sat outside. It's pretty cloudy, it looks like it's going to pour soon. This getting so overwhelming. I get up and i want to go to sleep and never get up again. I eat and i want to throw it up. I talk and lie. The air is cold and i don't have a jacket. It's beginning to drizzle, but i'm not moving. I ran my fingers through my jet black hair and let out a sigh of hurt.

"You ok?"

I jumped up in fear. I turned around to see who it was. Jessica? I held my chest as if i was having a heart attack. "You gotta stop doing that!"

"Heh, sorry" she said.

"What are you doing here?" i asked.

"I wanted to see how you were doing." she told me.

"I'm doing alright." i lied, probably making it obvious that i was.

"Mhm i don't believe that." she smiled at me. I sat back down and looked out into back yard. She sat by me and rested her head on my left shoulder. "It's cold out here."

"I know."

She took my hand and flipped it so she had a view of my scars. I didn't care if she saw them at this point. She's seen them before. She ran her index finger over them with a gentle touch. Is this considered flirting. "I'm sorry you've had to deal with all this hell lately. Just know i'm here for you if you ever want to talk to someone."

"I know."

"I care about you. I hate seeing you like this."

"Really Jess, I'm fine" i restated.

"How many times have people believed you when you say that?" she asked.

She can really see through me. She sees my pain. She gets it. I got really quiet. Then i answered, "probably 90% of the time. But I'm ok this time, i promise. Don't worry about me." my voice wavered as i spoke. "I'll be fine." She put her arms around me, making me feel a little better. "Why do you care about me?"

"Because you're great."

Does she like me? Why would she like me? Do i like her?