At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

Take time, waste time. My body starts to breakdown

I finally got out. I checked my phone. It looks like Ronnie hates me. Craig was the one who called the ambulance to my house. My band mates were about to beat Ronnie. And my entire fan base knows about my situation. I deleted the post of the pills and told everyone i was fine. This was stupid. I shouldn't have done this, i just made a bunch of kids who look up to me think it's ok to do what i did. I'm such a bad influence. I don't know what to do now. I feel so drained. I heard a knock on my door. It was Johnny Lloyd and Dan. And right behind them was Lexus. I was actually happy to see her. Lloyd pet my head, messing up my hair. He knew how much i hated that. I just laughed and gave him a shove.

"How are you doing?" he asked me.

"Eh."

Lexus pushed the three of them out of the way and wrapped her arms around me tightly. "I'm so glad to see you're ok. I missed you" she said with that lovely voice of hers.

"I missed you too." I replied.

"I'm sorry i didn't come to visit, i didn't want to see you that way. I wouldn't be able to bare it." she explained.

"It's ok. As long as you're here now"

"What the hell! You're just gonna take that?" Johnnie questioned loudly. "That's bull crap!"

"She didn't do anything wrong" i reassured him.

"She didn't go see you because 'She couldn't bare to see you the way you were" he complained, "You we're basically the same you! The first day i'll let it slide cuz you actually were in a hospital bed, but the rest of the week?"

"I have to agree with Johnny on this one." Dan admitted.

"Yeah" said lloyd.

"At least i was actually there for him most of the time! He's literally told me he's to scared to talk to you guys cuz you guys don't listen to him!" Lexus shouted back.

"Where were you the night he tried to fucking kill himself" Lloyd questioned angrily, "I know i wasn't there either but at least i told him i couldn't talk and i defended him when Ronnie was being an asshole on twitter. He said you didn't even text him back"

I couldn't stand them fighting. They all mean the world to me, so it's hard to see them argue about me. This is my fault. I caused this. My heart started pounding, my hands went numb and trembled. I started hyperventilating. My chest felt compressed and my eyes began watering. I fell to my knees.

"Oh my God, Nick what's going on!" Lexus asked in a worried tone, as she kneeled by me. The guys circled me. Dan and Lloyd placed their hands on my back, trying to make me feel better. Everything felt like it was closing in, causing me to breathe even faster, since i'm claustrophobic. I covered my face with my numbed hands to hide from the embarrassment. "Guys give him space, He needs to breathe." They moved back a few steps. She grabbed my hands, but i resisted. "Nick look at me. It's gonna be ok. You just need to breathe." I let her hold my hands in front of me. I leaned into her, wanting a hug. I felt safer with her. I gradually started calming down. "Better?" i nodded my head. I got up from the floor.

"Sorry about that." i apologized.

"Don't apologize it wasn't your fault. It was ours" Lexus told me.

"She's right... for once" Johnny said.

A few hours passed by. They would occasionally start arguing, so i would just leave the room and listen to Blink 182 in my bedroom. I started thinking. What if i just joined Lexus in Blacklisted Me? We think so a like, that it'd be a lot easier to make music and deal with all this. I love the guys but i need a break.

I walked out of my room. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah Nick what's up?" Dan asked.

"I need a break from Get Scared." i confessed.

"Are you leaving us?" Lloyd asked, kind of sadly.

"I want to join Lexus with her stuff. I think it'll be better for me" i explained.

"You! You did this!" Lloyd shouted at my girlfriend.

"Me? I haven't even talked to him about this" she argued.

"Are you mind controlling him then?"

"Look guys Lexus didn't do anything to make me want to do this. I just feel like the pressure of the band is kinda complicated." I explained. Dan, Johnny and Brad looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry"

"It's ok, Nick. You'll always be welcomed back to Get Scared, if that whore does something." Johnny told me.

"She's not a whore Johnny" i got kinda angry at his comment. I hate when people called her that. She doesn't just do one night stands, she actually stays with her partner for quite some time. If she did whore would be written about her and not all those other people who have done that to me.

"Whatever you say" he rolled his eyes.