At My Worst ( a Nicholas Matthews story)

Time to Find My Voice Again

The next morning I got up at around 7:30. I grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote. "I'm at the park writing. Don't worry" I took my notebook along and drove away. The road was pretty empty due to the fact that it's a saturday and early in the morning. I wanted to play some music, but if i did I would get it stuck in my head and my songs would sound like it. Brad was right, what i coldly said to Lexus would be a pretty good bridge.

I arrived at the park, now all i need is a quiet spot where i can focus my thoughts into lyrics. You know, benches are over rated i'm climbing that tree. It has a perfect branch for me to sit in. I held the journal in my mouth and lifted myself up. I climbed up a bit until i got to the right branch. I carefully balanced myself as i adjusted. I took the pencil out of my pocket.

So what did i feel? What did I think? I kinda blamed it on myself in a way by saying i wasn't worthy of her. So maybe 'I blamed myself. I'm so pathetic" Eh that sounds a little off. What i just talk to myself then like, 'You're so pathetic.' Sounds a little more pleasing and it flows better, so I wrote it down. What did she do? She said "Nick I'm Sorry" but I've used that line before so that's stupid. Umm.... She cheated on me. What can i say for that. 'You turned your back?' No. What about afterwards completely. I heard she stayed with that guys so i guess she moved on. So 'You moved on' no that doesn't fit the rhythm. It needs to be two syllables. 'Away', 'from me', 'Along'. "You moved along" but- but what. 'You will regret it' Pfft no she won't. 'You won't forget me' Why did she leave me? Because I suck. Because she was drunk. Because she sucks. Because she's slutty. Because he's better than me. Because the list is too long so i should exaggerate. So 'if there's a million reasons why.' why what. You threw me away. You left me behind. You fucked the guy in my own house. Ok that didn't happen, not that I know of anyways. Um... Why you left everything behind. Too many syllables. How about 'all' instead of 'everything'. "If there's a million different reasons why you left it all behind." 'Then try me'. Yeah. She would literally say and do anything to excuse herself so. "And you'll say anything" Now the pre- chorus and chorus...

After about an hour and half i had a decent song. "I blamed myself, You're so pathetic. You moved along but you won't forget me. If there's a million reasons why you left it all behind, then try me. And you'll say anything.

When love has lost all it's meaning, You know, you know i'm not alright, I've tried to run I've tried to hide, But I'm so badly broken. You know you swept me off my feet, And now I'm stuck beneath the bridge you burned on top of me and I'm so badly broken.

I'm sure you got the best excuses To keep me at your feet. It's all you got to clear your conscience, Take a good long look at me! You see a shell of what I used to be, And can't get close to anyone or anything Like how I thought it should be .When love has lost all its meaning,

(Chorus)

You've lost your chance. And you will never get to love me again. The sky has opened up And I can finally see the sun And what it was, it was!

(Chorus) And you will never get to love me again"

I guess i was singing out loud, because a girl stopped and stared at me. "Hi" i waved awkwardly.  "You sing pretty well, you should join a band or something." she said, smiling.

"I am in a band.  A fairly popular band actually." I responded. Wait no I'm not, we'll I guess I am now.

"Cool, what band?" she asked.

"Get Scared."

"Nice. I'll check you guys out." she said, "we'll i got to get going" she continued jogging along the trail.