The Partial Journal of Kona Firestar

8/22/2016

She's a really loyal girl , and I only stole her away once. She won't answer one question, but the other questions I've asked, she's answered truthfully. I think I have my hopes up... I mean, I don't want to push her into any decisions, but she's lifted me out of this unwanted depression. I've done video calls with her, and she's so adorable the way she acts when she talks to me. My mom doesn't care much about her anymore, thankfully. I mean, I think she's glad she knows Brianna is real. I'm glad too. To think that people thought she was older than said. She loves me, I just know it, but she's in a relationship. Why am I not as confident anymore? Is this Skylar's fault?... Is it my fault for believing Skylar's insults and believing her for pointing the finger of blame at me?... I'm so broken now. What happened? I was so... I was so confident in seventh grade. Now I'm just.. hesitant. Nervous. I'm afraid she'll deny me, but she said she'd date me again. She said she'd be mine once more, but just not right now, I suppose... I know I need to let her go, but what we once were, how we once were, it won't leave me alone, the memories. I've told her how I feel, and I know how she feels. Nothing my friend's suggest is working. I wish I remembered how I stole this girl. Maybe it'd work again, but... she's stronger than she was then. She's growing up. What am I supposed to expect? The same old girl? No. I'm glad she's changed. She's stronger in loyalty than before. I make her happy, I know that, and she makes me happy, too. I don't know if we'll ever be together again. She has her own problems, but she can't hide them from me. It's too obvious. She's a really pretty girl, but she has her own level of crazy. I like crazy... ha ha. I always admired a challenge. And she was a challenge. She's only become more difficult of a puzzle to solve. She's a bit harder to win over... I can handle that. She doesn't want me to go again. And I can't leave her like I have anyway. Distance didn't help me get over her, and sure as hell isn't going to now. I've tried too many times to know this. People told me to let her go. They told me it wasn't a healthy relationship, and I know. But me and her have had our ups and downs. I've helped her out a lot. I won't take credit for anything I shouldn't. But this girl makes me go crazy. I'm crazy in love, and I haven't been able to get out of this. I fell in love, and I can't fall out. It's too late... I grew too attached. I fought for this girl once, and I'll do it again. I just don't precisely know how to go about it... how to get around her little walls like I did. I succeeded once. I can... I can do it again. I'm too stubborn to give up. Well, to give up on her. She won't let me go. And I swear, some spiritual being has been leading me back to this girl. What do I do? How am I supposed to go about this? I've tried what my friends suggested. Maybe I need to go with my instinct and not my rational side. Ha ha. Maybe that's it. The rational way isn't crazy enough. Ha..