Losing Your Memory

26. Silent Battles

Bellamy's POV:

Oh god where is she? I was with her yesterday! How could she have disappeared? I have been looking all day!

i search the camp high and low and find no sign of her. Octavia finds nothing, Jasper and Monty's search failed and we are all worried.

"She hasnt been herself lately what if she hurts herself?" Jasper says worriedly and i start to panic even more. Where could she have gone?

"I'm heading out to look for her now! She must have left!" I say with finality, already making my way to the gate.

"Bell! Its dark out!" Octavia protests, jogging after me.

"All the more reason i need to find Clarke...and fast!"

With a minimul amount of walking i find Clarke stood at the edge of the cliff where Charlotte once stood, and where she jumped.

"Clarke?" I call out to her softly through the dark, only able to see by my fire torch and the moonlight.

The blonde girl turns around slowly and the light from the moon highlights her wet cheeks, her eyes are red.

I instantly start walking towards her.

"Clarke whats wrong? Why are you out here by yourself?" I ask slowly, i can now see she is shaking, she looks horrified and the cool night air sends chills up my spine.

"I...i dont know...whats happening to me? Oh god...Bellamy what...how did i...i don't..."

"Clarke slow down its okay! You are safe" i say softly, now stood just in front of her. I approach gingerly, terrifyingly aware of how close she is to the edge of the cliff.

"Its not okay! Things are blurry, i walk places without really thinking or meaning to...i just...Bellamy what, whats happening to me? Im scared!" Clarke trembles, her blue eyes wide with fear.

I take off my jacket and gently place it over her shoulders and i can now feel her violently shaking beneath my hands. "Come on, lets get you back to camp" i say, softly coaxing her away from the cliff edge, she complies and we start walking back to camp.

Her mouth hangs slightly open, trembling, her arms are wrapped around herself and her eyes stare vacantly ahead, empty and unfocused.

I sit her by a fire when back at camp, the others fuss with blankets and water but they decide to leave us alone.

Clarke sits beside me with her eyes closed, the fire light dancing on her eyelids as i think of something to say.

"Clarke are you alright?" I ask stupidly and after some time she opens her eyes.

With a broken voice she says "no...i dont think i am. Bellamy i am losing my mind! Trying to plant seeds in places i already planted something...walking places by accident...things are blurry and i am growing more afraid by the day..." Clarke says in a weak whisper.

"Clarke there is nothing wrong with you...you have been through a lot and just need rest-"

"You cant tell my mother! She will freak! You cant! Please dont!" Clarke suddenly cries, grabbing my shirt. This is when Jasper steps over and slowly pulls Clarke away from me, together we manage to get her to her tent and settle her in bed. She rolls over, her eyes wide open, like a scared but vigilant dog...waiting.

I regrettably leave her after some time and slump to the floor outside, allowing my head to fall into my hands. What is happening?

I must have fallen asleep in that same spot as i wake up just as Clarke is leaving her tent.

I sit up with a start and Clarke smiles down at me uneasily. Its morning now and a few early bird campers are up, throwing me questionable looks as they pass.

"Clarke! Thank god, how are you?" I stammer, pushing off the floor onto my feet.

She hesitates, the smile now gone from her face. In her moment of silence i examine her, her usually pale but rosy cheeks now seem washed out and unhealthy. Her blue eyes arent focused and seem more of a grey in colour, red around the edges. Her shoulders are slumped forward as she slouches and her hands are twitching slightly as she sways on the spot.

She looks ill!

"I...I dont know..." she says eventually, not looking me in the eye. "I just...cant stop thinking about Charlotte...i know it may seem silly as i cant change what...happened but last night" she pauses, glancing up at me as if looking for a reaction warily. When i dont react she continues "is it strange that i happened to go there of all places? Like my guilty mind is tricking me or something..."

If i had been having this conversation with anyone else, and if they didnt look as dreadful as Clarke i probably would have laughed it off...but there is something dark in her eyes, a stamp of horror and my stomach lurches.

"Dont be silly...you were over tired...not thinking" i stammer, feeling afraid and Clarke huffs, looking almost annoyed.

"Bellamy! I was gone all day! Do you think i was sleepwalking through the day? I dont even remember waking up...i hardly remember anything after you said goodnight up to when you found me on that cliff!" She cries and i have to clench my fists to stop them shaking.

You can't tell my mother...thats what she said...but i have to!

One more look at Clarke and her watery eyes and my protective wall seems to melt! My guard crumbles and i stand, completely vulnerable.

I bundle the girl into my arms and stroke her hair! I dont care who is watching or who has a bloody opinion!

I softly whisper "I love you princess! We can fix this, i'm going to help you!"

I feel Clarke shaking slightly and i know she is crying. I hold her tighter and her small arms snake around my back and she holds me tight. Like im somthing she never wants to let go!

"Whatever happens..." she says in a broken voice, lifting her head up to look at me. "I love you too!"

I treasure those words, almost put them in a box inside my mind so i will never forget because as Clarke continues to fight the silent battles in her head, i find it harder and harder to keep her from slipping through my fingers...

AN: okay sooo im not sure on this chapter but hopefully the story will pick up from here (depending on my writing uh oh) but think this will come to a close pretty soon!

Please comment: how do you want it to end? Xxx ♡ you