Losing Your Memory

30 Please

Clarke's POV:

We walk in silence.

We are nearing camp now and Bellamy seems disheartened.

I feel like it is my fault but i dont remember doing anything. I honestly dont remember much of the trip...except that it had been good and i am happy...Bellamy on the other hand....

He is so quiet, and so far away. I want to hold his hand or lean against his side but he insisted on carrying all of our things, so his hands are full.

"Almost there...." i say quietly. "You got something on your mind?" I ask cuatiously and Bellamy instantly smiles.

"No, just wishing we could stay away for longer" he sighs.

"Then why dont we? We could leave and never go back!" I say impulsively, not quite sure where my excitement is coming from. Bellamy actually laughs at me, but his eyes are sad.

"Clarke you know i would say yes in a heartbeat but-" he stops himself and looks at me for a long moment. "We would never survive the winter on our own" he finishes and i resist the urge to roll my eyes.

He is right. We probably wouldnt survive the winter in our small tent, just the two of us but i dont want to go back to camp.

We fall silent again and i ignore my urges to reach out to him. I want to crawl inside his mind and find all the things troubling him and just throw them out. I want to help!

Alas we reach camp, still quiet, still down hearted.

The day followed slowly, i had to spend most of it with my mum, following her around as she worked and asked me questions about our trip.

She asked me to be on duty first thing the following morning in the dropship for medical attention to a few patients. I agreed and went to bed.

Bellamy's POV:

I had just woken up after a long lie in, tired from my first day back at camp after my trip with Clarke. I never did get her mum alone as i was kept too busy.

But now she is walking right towards me.

"Have you seen Clarke?" She says, looking like she had also just got out of bed.

"No i just woke up-"

"Well she was ment to be on duty two hours ago but no one has seen her!" Abby huffs irritatedly.

"I'll go check her tent" i say gruffly, still half asleep.

"Clarke?" I say when i reach her tent, she replies with a soft murmer and the tent unzips to show her standing there looking pertectly fine and awake.

"Yes Bellamy?" She says, hopping up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my shoulders. I smile because she is smiling.

I kiss her on the lips softly then remember why i am here. "Why arent you on duty?" I ask calmly and she just looks confused.

"Duty?"

"Yes. Duty... Abby told you to be on duty first thing..." i say slowly and Clarke lets my shoulders go.

"Right...yeah of course, i will go now"

"Clarke-"

She hurries off before i can say anything more and i rub my eyes with my hands. She forgot. Again.

And she only got worse from there.

It was always "where is Clarke? I asked her to do this..."

Or Clarke would turn up with things of other peoples saying she must have just picked it up by accident.

But it wasnt these small things that worried me now. It was her attitude, she had grown dazed and she was almost....drifting.

Sometimes she will flat out ignore me and she has sometimes jumped at the sight of her mum, as if she keeps forgetting the Arkers and her mum are on earth now.

Sometimes she will flinch when i touch her or back away, then a second after she will be hugging me saying how "we never see each other anymore".

My head is a mess.

Memories.
Loss.
Love.
Clarke.
Forgeting...

I can't lose her and right now it feels like she is slowly slipping away.

...

I stomp into the dropship, my hair dripping from the rain, my clothes splattered i mud. I am back from an unsuccessful hunt, the weather is awful.

I stop dead when i see someone cowering in the corner of the dropship...Clarke.

She is curled up on the floor with her head hidden in her knees.

I slowly approach her and place a hand on her arm.

"Clarke?"

She looks up with a start, her eyes shimmering with tears.

"Clarke whats happened?" I try to stop my voice breaking as i look at her face. So defeated.

"I...i dont know whats going on...this place is so...so strange. So many strangers...where did all those people come...the Ark! The ark what happened to it? Whats....Finn....where's Finn...wait what am i talking about he...what happened to him...you. Bellamy" she slowly lifts a hand to my cheek as a tear falls from my eye and then another. "You hate me...no you dont....what do you...i love you"

She says those last three words in a whisper, as if it is dawning on her all over again.

Suddenly she grabs my neck and kisses me fiercely, our lips wet from crying. She breaks away and laughs slightly "i love you!" She says again as if it is revolutionary.

I cannot smile. I cannot laugh. She has a glazed over look in her eyes.

She suddenly lets go and looks scared. "Bellamy i love you..." she says again, looking from side to side in fright.

"Clarke i know, i love you too!" I say, resting a hand on each of her cheeks, her blue eyes not quite meeting my gaze.

"I...i must say it..."

"Why? What are you talking about-Clarke!" I snap slightly as i seem to be losing her attention. Her eyes focus on me again and she looks determined.

"I am losing my mind" she says in a shaky voice, her hands clasped together so hard that her knuckles are white. "Please let me say it....i love you...please...." she is whispering again and my heart is screaming in my chest as she looks at me. "Please Bellamy, please" she says again.

"What? What is it?" I plead desperately.

She stops mumbling and closes her eyes in defeat. "Dont let me...dont let me forget...you...."

AN: I AM SO SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG!!!! Ahhh college sucks haha x thanks to you if you are still reading this love you :) please keep reading xx