Losing Your Memory

31. BlueBells

Bellamy's POV:

"How's she doing?" I ask Abby grimly as she slowly walks out of the drop ship. She shakes her head.

"Not...not good...i cant watch her like this. She keeps talking about the Ark...Bellamy she thinks she's still in space...and then she remembers you-" Abby stopped short, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks.

"Hey, i will watch over her for a bit" i say, walking past her, placing my hand on her shoulder momentarily before entering the drop ship.

Clarke is sat in the corner in the chair she is usually sat in. She's too sick now to do much else. She can't remember much and i can see her hope dissapearing with everyday.

"Hey baby" i say softly, bending down to kiss her cheek.

She smiles softly, staring past me.

"Hey" she says weakly.

I ball her hands up in mine and place a soft kiss on her weak fingers.

"Mum's worried isnt she..." Clarke says distantly. "So are you..."

"Of course we are Clarke"

"I dont want you to...i'm fine really...i'm fine i just-" she closes her eyes as if she is in pain.

"You alright?" I ask, my heartbeat instantly speeding up. I hold her hands tighter...they are so small in mine.

"Yeah, just a headache that's all...i havent moved from this chair in days Bel...i want to get out of here...before-"

"Stop. Dont talk like that-"

"Bellamy you have to consider the fact that i might-"

"Clarke stop!" I stand up now, speaking louder than i should. I instantly calm down and sit beside her. "I'm sorry" i say, putting my head into my hands.

"No...i'm sorry, i shouldn't." Clarke says quietly.

There is silence for several minutes.

"I love you Bellamy" Clarke says out of nowhere.

"I-"

"But you shouldnt...waist your time waiting around for me."

"Clarke-"

"No Bellamy listen...i'm not going to get better...i'm only going to get worse...and soon...soon i wont remember...who you are-"

"Clarke i wont let that happen"

"Bellamy stop" Clarke sighs and closes her eyes as if exhausted "i cant give you what you want...a life with me will only bring you pain...you cant keep reminding me who you are forever-"

"You wont forget! I wont have to." I am crying now, how can she say this? She's giving up. She cant give up.

"I will never forget how i feel for you Bellamy, my heart will always know...even...even if my brain does not"

She was talking slowly now, as if every word was a struggle.

I curl my fingers inbetween hers and she gives my hand a small squeeze.

"You're gonna get better...i will do anything" i plead, barely whispering now. "I wont let you go."

"Maybe...you should"

I feel like shouting.

"You are mad if you think thats even remotely a possibility" i say calmly bit firmly.

She laughs lightly and i rub my thumb over her finger.

I stare around the dark dropship. She's been stuck in here for days...as if this is going to help her...