Living With Jared Padalecki

14/ round and round

     Up until tonight, I have almost forgotten how easy it is to have a conversation with Mason. She actually listens to what I have to say, or at least pretends to listen. For the past forty-five minutes, I have been filling her in, detail-by-detail, of most of the things that have happened since I moved. Of course, while we chat, we indulge ourselves in a healthy dinner that consists of soda and pizza.

     Oh, wait. Did I say healthy?

     "So, how's Teresa?" I ask, trying to avoid any more questions from her. I've told her almost everything already. I left out the part where I punch Jensen in the face and where Jason kisses me. I'm pretty sure she would overreact if I told her either of those things.

     "She's..." Mason starts, with a sad look on her face. I kind of regret asking her, because now she looks uncomfortable. "I don't know. She's been kind of distant lately. Just hides in her room all day reading, avoiding people. Mom's starting to get worried." I just nod a little, unsure of what to say. I finish off my soda and throw it out.

     "Why didn't she come with you?" I ask as we head out the door and towards Mason's car.

     "Like I said, she doesn't want to leave the house," she replies as she turns the key, igniting the engine. "I tried to get her to come, I really did, but she kept refusing. She didn't say why." I nod again, noticing the tinge of pain in her voice.

     It makes me oddly uncomfortable to imagine something bad happening to Teresa. I have known her as long as I've known Mason. She's like a little ball of sunshine, and whenever I'm sad, she never, ever, fails at making me feel better. She's so sweet and smart. It's almost like she's a little sister to me.

     "I'll give her a call later," I say, before giving Mason the directions to the hotel. We are both quiet for the rest of the ride, which is surprisingly shorter than I thought it would be. I make sure to grab my new shirts and my big yellow envelope before exiting the car. "So, I'll text you tomorrow, or...something," I say awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.

     "Charlie," Mason says as I start walking away. "I won't be able to see you on your birthday." The sad, empty feeling I would normally get from this does not come. I guess the steel walls I've built up around my heart are finally working. "That's why I brought your presents now. My mom is working overtime that entire week and I have to stay home with Teresa." I really hope that she didn't notice the way I involuntarily sulked the littlest bit after she said this. I just nod a little, pushing my feelings as far down as I possibly can.

     "See you, Mason," I say, keeping my goodbye short and sweet. It makes me cringe when I hear how pained my voice sounds when it comes out. I mentally hit myself on the head as I enter the hotel, the sound of Mason's car driving away filling my ears.

     I rub my hand across my face, sighing deeply as I step into the elevator and push the button with the number five on it. I feel a little nauseated as it starts moving, and I grip the handle bar on the wall next to me, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

     I somehow manage to go the entire elevator ride without puking my guts out. The doors open, and I step out, trying my hardest to keep my vision clear and my legs from collapsing as I walk down the hallway until I find the room that I have to share with Jared.

     Right as I step into the room, my watch hits ten o'clock. I shut the door behind me and look up as I spot Jared watching a movie on the big TV. This hotel room must cost a fortune, what with the great air conditioning, free Wi-Fi, and fully stocked refrigerator.

     "Hey," Jared greets as I take my shoes off by the door. "Did you have fun with your friend?"

     "Yeah," I mumble, making my way towards the fridge and finding a bottle of water.

     "Was that Mason?" I raise an eyebrow at him suspiciously, wondering how he knows. "Gen told me about her." I am once again awe-struck at his apparent ability to read my mind.

     "Yeah," I mumble again, stepping towards the bathroom. "I'm going to wash up," I say, shutting the bathroom door behind me and going to the sink, looking in the mirror. I visibly cringe at the sight of myself, but hey, what else is new?

     As I get ready for bed, I take a little bit of time to organize my thoughts. For a while, I have wanted to tell Jared how much him and the show and the rest of the cast mean to me, but of course, I can't do that without telling him that I actually watch the show. I'm planning on putting that conversation off for as long as possible.

     Fifteen minutes later, I step out of the bathroom, in my gray sweatpants and my new Wolverine t-shirt. Jared is still in the same spot as he was before I went in the bathroom, except this time, he has his phone pressed against his ear and the volume of the movie is turned down. My first assumption is that he is talking to his wife. My thoughts are confirmed when he bids her good night, adding an 'I love you' in there somewhere.

     "Ready for bed?" He questions, and I finish off my bottle of water, tossing it in the garbage can next to my bed. I nod a little, climbing under the covers, which are surprisingly cooler than I'd expect.

     Jared shuts off the light, and we both lay in silence for what seems like forever. I really just want to tell him about my earlier thoughts, because I honestly think he would like to here it. However, just the thought of actually initiating a conversation with him makes my stomach hurt and my head spin.

     "Jared?" I say, my mouth completely rebelling against my mind. I don't want to talk to him about this now. On the other hand, it might be good to get this off my chest while I can.

     "Yeah, Charlie," he replies, more of a statement than a question. It makes me feel like he is there to listen, and he actually wants to listen to what I have to say. The truth is, I can't think of a good way to put how I feel into words. So, I just say the first thing that comes to mind, and hope that it won't sound stupid.

     "You're really good with your fans," I blurt out. I sigh a little in frustration, and then mentally face palm when I realize that he probably heard that. So, I continue talking, as if everything is normal. "It's just amazing how much you guys do for them. All those campaigns..." I trail off, hoping he will say something in return.

     "Well, it's not one-sided," he says, causing me to lower my eyebrows. I feel stupid when I realize that he cannot see my reaction. However, he does respond. "They do so much for us. They're the reason that the show keeps going, and...they help us keep going." When he said that last part, I can't help but notice a little bit of pain in his voice.

     The silence fills the air once again, and I'm left with my thoughts. The guys never cease to amaze me. They are amazing actors, husbands, and fathers. They go to extreme levels to give their fans the best that they can give, and for that, I'm grateful.

     "Good night, Jared," I say quietly, my voice piercing through the silence, even though it's quiet. I don't get a reply from him, just the sound of him snoring quietly. I smile and eventually drift off to a dreamless sleep.