Living With Jared Padalecki

34/ nobody praying for me

Five days later

                                •••

Charlie's POV:

     White. Everything is white. Where the hell am I, and why is there so much white around me?

     Heaven? Ha-ha, yeah right.

     It must be a hospital, which could only mean that I failed in my attempt to end my life. I'm not sure if I should feel upset or grateful, but all I can think about is the pain, which is everywhere. My head, my wrists, my legs, my throat, and even my chest.

     I blink as I try to adjust to my surroundings. Much to my relief, I am the only one in the room. I did not want to have to wake up and have to talk to somebody about this.

     Around my wrists are thick white bandages, which are wrapped around so tight it's almost painful. They do not hurt as much as they did when I was cutting into them, so the doctors probably gave me something for the pain.

     Speaking of doctors, a few minutes after I wake up, the door opens, and in steps a woman who looks to be in her early thirties and who, judging by her clothes, is a doctor. Upon entering, she shuts the door and offers me a small smile. I simply blink.

     "Hi," she introduces herself and I notice she is holding a clipboard, "I'm Doctor Krane. I have been administering your medicine." She looks at me as if waiting for a reply, but I say nothing, just too my head down and look at my wrists, gently rubbing the bandages.

     "How do you feel?" Krane asks, observing my actions. I glance at her as she messes with the IV to my left. Why the hell do I need an IV? "You lost quite a bit of blood before you got here," she explains.

     "Could I have some water?" I ask, my scratchy voice proving that I am thirsty. Krane offers me her sweet smile once again.

     "Of course," she replies, and then heads for the door, but stops halfway. "By the way, there's a boy in the waiting room who has been waiting for you to wake up. Would it be alright if I sent him in?" My breath hitches in my throat and my heart constricts.

     Oh, god. Jason is probably a mess. Giving Krane a nervous smile, I nod, and she leaves, closing the door behind her. I release a breath I had no idea I was holding. How the hell am I going to explain this to Jason without hurting him further?

     I tap my fingers against my leg as I wait. Five minutes later, Krane comes back, holding a styrofoam cup filled with water. Trailing behind her is Jason, who looks like crap. He looks exhausted, the bags underneath his eyes proving so.

     "I'll leave you two alone," Krane says, setting the cup down on the tray next to my bed. She exits the room, leaving Jason and I alone. I suck in a breath, daring myself to look at him. His expression is almost blank, with the exception of the visible sadness in his eyes.

     "Why?" He says eventually, his quiet voice loud in the quieter room. I blink and look away, catching a glimpse of him running his fingers nervously through his hair. He slowly approaches me, and then pulls a chair up to the side of the bed.

     When he gently takes my hand, I suck in another breath and catch his eye. He keeps his eyes on my hand as he speaks, "I love you." I exhale deeply, but keep my mouth shut in fear of saying something extremely stupid.