The Right To Write

Scenes: Part 2

Show don't tell. Let's burst into laughter about how predictable this subject was going to be. Had your fun?

You can stop now.

Now, what in the name of everything pure and righteous is "show" versus "tell"?

Telling consists of indirect description. The writer will tell you how the character pictures it. Or just simply state an action. Showing, on the other hand, will describe everything through the five senses, not how the main character would describe it in general. Here's an example of telling:

I skidded through the hallway. I could only hope my flight was delayed. The narrow hallway was exceedingly dim. It blocked the duration of my vision. I nearly sprinted as the corridor led me to my flight gate. It was still open, but haunted with emptiness. I had reached my destination in only nick of time, which would soon take me to the next. The flight attendant looked slightly shocked as I came running to the podium.

"Your ticket sir?" She said graciously.

I dished it in desperation. "Here,"  I replied anxiously. I quickly handed it to her and scampered into the plane.

First off, notice the overuse of passive "be" verbs. The narrow hallway was dim. It was still open. Don't do that, at least not too much. You may need to use passive voices sometimes. Instead of telling the readers the hallway was dim, show them that dimness clouded his vision of the narrow hallway. Show them that mercy wedged the flight gate open just for him. Readers want to see his surroundings act, not stay in serene silence. Add in tidbits that his five sense detected. Showing tends to require a lot more description, but that's not a bad thing.

You also need the five senses to inform you about the situation. Let the reader gather the surroundings and figure it out on their own. You don't always have to explain what exactly is going on every moment if you're showing your situation.

Here is the improved example of the first:

I skidded through the hallway, my muscles surging with anxiety. The crisp smell tingled in my brain and furthered my determination. The semi-dimmed lights blinded my optic abilities. Finally, I could see it. The boarding gate hovered in my grasp, still attached to the plane. The empty nature of it set me into a nervous sprint. I had reached my destination in only a nick of time, which would take me to the next. The flight attendant perked at my arrival and hastily came to greet me.

"Your ticket, sir?" A comely smile marked her lips.

I dished it out rapidly. "Here," I tinted my voice with force, shoving the crumpled ticket towards her. I dashed into the plane after handing it to her.

Notice the fact I didn't have to directly explain the scene. The readers can determine the scene due to the movement of the surroundings. 

Also, take note of the dialogue. In the second example, I didn't say "He said" or "she said" even once. We all know the characters are talking. You don't need to tell the readers that. Don't tell the reader's about the emotions involved either. Show emotion through body language. If a comely smile marked her lips, the reader will know she's comely. When your protagonist replied with force and shoved the crumpled ticket into her hands, we will immediately understand that he's anxious. Never hesitate to use body language over simply stating feelings. 

Use action verbs over passive verbs. Describe settings in motion. Display body language over adverbs. Hopefully my explanation made a difference in your view of the phrase.