The Long Game (Joshaya)

It's Okay, I'm Here

Song of the Chapter: Unsteady by X Ambassadors

* Maya's POV *

"Maya?" Josh says looking up at me, his brown eyes bloodshot and filled with tears. 

I haven't seen him in years; he never came to any holiday get togethers at the Matthews' because he was always traveling abroad for community service opportunities. At least that's what Mr. Matthews told me. He stares at me for a few seconds, his face resembling someone being caught in a lie. More tears spill out, then he faces the street and hurls into the storm drain.

I cover my nose and mouth in shock and to block out the smell of alcohol and vomit. He wipes his mouth and faces me again, more golden tears falling down his face. I've never seen Josh like this before and I never thought he would be this type of person. I guess a lot can change in 3 years.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this," he says to me, looking at the ground. I notice his knees starting to buckle, so I run over to him and drape his arm over my shoulders.

"Josh, what happened? What are you doing here?"

"I was at a party...I got lost...please help me," he says as I support part of his weight on my shoulders.

"Should I call your brother?" I ask him.

"No!" He shouts at me. I gasp at his response; I haven't been yelled at in a long time. He looks over at me and senses my fear. "I'm sorry, Maya," he says. "I don't know what to do with myself."

"You can stay at my place."

"Is that okay with your mom and Shawn?"

"Mom's working and Shawn's been asleep for a long time."

I guide Josh to the apartment building and lean him against the wall when we reach my apartment. I grab the keys out of my pocket and unlock the door. Josh has already started to fall asleep, so I drape his arm on my shoulders again and lead him to my room.

"Josh," I whisper to him. "You can have the bed. I'll take the floor."

"Mmm..." he responds, eyes still closed. I lead him over to my bed and cover him with an extra blanket. I made sure the trashcan was next to my bed so that it was available at a moment's notice. Josh's breathing becomes slow and deep, so I decide to wipe any leftover vomit off his face with an old towel to get rid of the smell. I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time.

1:20 flashes on the screen. But I couldn't sleep. After everything that has happened today, I probably won't sleep for days. I had a lot to think about. When I feel stressed, I always channel my emotions into art. I think today was a perfect example of a something that should be transferred into art. 

I grab my sketchpad and pencil from my night stand, careful to be quiet and not wake Josh. I tiptoe over to my own little bay window, which I sit in whenever I draw. It's not as big as Riley's and can only fit about two people, but I didn't mind. I didn't really like sharing my bay window with anyone except Riley, who rarely came over anyways. I look down and see parked cars and a couple cabs drive past. 

I look up and see the full moon, but no stars. Stars were never seen in New York. Too much light pollution. I've only seen the stars twice: in Texas and at the Ski Lodge. They were the most beautiful sights I've ever seen, like someone threw diamonds into the sky and they somehow got stuck up there. When I was young, my mom told me that when a star falls, someone has fallen in love. I actually believed her for a while, but then I realized it was just something you tell to little kids. When you're little, you believe almost everything your told because you don't know any better.

I divide my paper into three sections: the left side is California, the right side is Paris, and the middle is New York City. I complete the California section of my paper, but when I'm in the middle drawing in the Paris section, I hear Josh moaning. I turn away from the window to face my bed and I see Josh tossing and turning. His moans turn into words, but I can only make out a few. The one word he repeats is 'No.'

"Josh, are you ok?" I ask walking over to my bed as he continues to talk in his sleep.

"No...please...no stop," he whispers as he tosses from side to side. I assume he's having a nightmare, so I sit on the bed and shake his shoulder.

"Josh, wake up." When he continues to speak and move around, I start to panic. I remember Farkle telling us about some research he did on people who die in their sleep, and he said most of them die from either age or being scared to death. Josh's words become louder and I become worried that he'll wake up Shawn.

"Josh, please wake up," I say, shaking him a little harder. I see tears start to fall down his face, the moonlight from my window making them look like drops of silver. My heart starts to race as he continues to toss around in my bed. I feel tears forming at my eyes while I continue to attempt to wake him up. I brush his hair off his forehead and see little drops of sweat along his hairline which were beginning to fall down his face.

"Josh, please," I beg as the tears begin to spill out. I shake him harder, which causes him to wake and sit up. I pull back just in time before his head ran into mine.

Josh sits up and begins to sob so uncontrollably, he covers his face with his hands. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his neck and hold onto him as if it was the last time I would see him.

"Shh, it's ok," I say as I stroke his hair, trying to gain back my composure. "It was a dream, your here with me. It's Maya." Josh's crying and breathing calms down, so he removes his hands from his face and wraps his arms around my waist, holding me close. He hiccups as he calms himself down, and I can feel his tears landing on my neck. 

"It's ok, it's me. It was just a dream," I say to him again. We stay like this for a few minutes, resting in each other's arms.

"Maya, I'm sorry."

I pull away so I can see his face, but we keep our arms around each other. "For what?" I ask him as left over tears fall down my face.

"Everything."

Everything? What does that mean? Is he sorry that I found him like this or sorry that we ever met in the first place? What was he sorry for?! I remove my hands from his neck and stand up to walk back over to the bay window.

"Wait," he whispers. "Can you stay with me?"

He scoots over to one side of the bed and opens the covers for me to join him. Now what did he want? I walk over to the bed and slowly get under the covers. Without thinking, I place my head on his chest, immediately regretting it. I begin to pull away, but then he wraps his arm around my waist, keeping me next to him. His hand found a part of the skin on my torso which was now warm against his touch. My head told me it was wrong, but my heart told me that it wasn't right nor wrong. I place my hand on his chest and his thumb slowly rubs against my skin.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I ask looking up at him. He looks down at me and smiles.

"Better now that you're here." Must be the alcohol. He's still drunk and doesn't know what he's saying.

"Go to sleep." I say to him, my eyelids growing heavy.

"I..."

"Shh," I say interrupting him. I wasn't in the mood for anything else today.

"Thank you, Maya."

The last thing I felt was his hand on my waist.