The Long Game (Joshaya)

More Than Words

Song of the Chapter: More Than Words by Extreme

* Josh's POV *

We head back to Maya's place the same way we left, hand in hand. Everything seemed to end as quickly as they started. Lucas left the girls in a rage, then comes apologizing to them a few hours later. I guess that's how it is when you're as close as they are to each other. Being in any type of fight or argument that causes them to be apart isn't greater than how much they care for one another.

"There's only pizza from the other night," Shawn replies as we walk back in. He looks up and gives me a small nod.

"Did you eat?" Maya asks him.

"Ah, I'm not that hungry."

"You have to eat."

"Don't worry about me," Shawn replies, kissing the top of her head. "I'll eat later when I'm actually hungry." Maya sighs as he walks out of the room and to his bedroom.

"He hasn't been eating much since..." she trails off.

"No need to explain," I reply. She gives me a small smile and puts a slice of pizza on a plate. 

"Do you want another piece?" she asks, holding the plate out to me.

"No, thank you." I take the plate from her and watch her make her own.

"Can we eat in my room? I want to talk to you." She begins to walk to her room.

"Okay," I reply. I start to think of all the things she could talk about. Does she want to talk about Lucas? Or her mom? Or maybe about college? Worst of all, does she want to talk about me? I follow her to her room and catch her pulling a sweatshirt over her head, her black dress on the floor beside her. I quickly look away and down at my pizza.

"Don't you know how to knock?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I, uh---"

"I'm just kidding." She sits on the floor with her pizza in front of her and takes a bite. I slowly sit across from her and start eating my pizza as well. A few bites in, she stops and wipes her mouth.

"What'd you want to talk about?" I ask her, doing the same.

"I actually don't know," she replies. "I just want to talk to you...hear your voice."

I chuckle and the thought of someone that finds pleasure in listening to me talk. "Well, when do you hear back from Juilliard?"

"I'm supposed to hear from them on May 10 at the latest."

"Any other colleges you heard from yet?"

"Um, yeah. A couple others."

"And?"

"I'm still considering."

"Okay, I'm done talking about school," I reply. "Anything you wanna do this weekend?" She shrugs her shoulders in response. "I know what'll make you feel better." I grab her hands and help her stand. I place her hands on my shoulders and mine on her waist. I begin to slowly sway back and forth.

"Sorry, my mind is kind of all over the place," she replies, letting out a slow breath.

"It's fine, just relax."

She lets out a small breath and rests her forehead against my chest. "I thought I had everything planned out. I was finally prepared for what would come next. Then...you came back," she says, looking up at me.

After a few seconds of silence, I take a deep breath. "Is is bad that I did?" I ask her.

"No, no, of course not. Remember how...you said I became like Riley to protect her? And how I lost myself in the process?"

I give her a small nod in response.

"I think...all this stress about college and whether I'll get into Juilliard or not has made me forget again. But after all this time of being with you...you helped me remember who I am."

I can't keep doing this to her. I'll have to tell her eventually. I don't want to continue being in her life if I have to lie in order to stay in it.

***

* Maya's POV *

After a few more minutes of dancing, Josh and I finish our pizzas and head to bed. We roll around at first to get comfortable until he wraps his arms around me and nuzzles his nose in my neck. His arms around me are strong, yet gentle. I still remember when we were younger and he broke his arm as we were swinging on the monkey bars at Central Park. I believe I was seven and he had just turned ten a few days before. He asked to hold my hand because he was afraid he would fall down again. We held hands all the way to the hospital. I don't think it meant anything to him, but it did to me. To have someone want me to support them makes me think I'm doing something right.

As I feel myself about to drift off to sleep, Josh whispers in my ear. "I can't sleep."

He lets go of me, so I turn around to face him. "Why not?"

"I always have trouble sleeping."

I maneuver my body so my torso is resting on top of his with my face inches away from his. I give him a small smile and brush his hair away from his face. His eyes are wide and his mouth is slightly agape, making me think that he's at a loss for words.

"Try to sleep," I whisper to him.

"I, uh...ok," he stutters. He closes his eyes and I study his face as his breathing begins to relax again. After a few seconds, he opens his eyes again. "Are you watching me sleep?"

I close my eyes and place my face against his chest. "No."

I feel his deep chuckle from his chest against my cheek. He kisses the top of my head and wraps his arms around me again. I want to stay. I want to stay in New York. At home. With him. It's always been him.