The Long Game (Joshaya)

A Life Without...

Song of the Chapter: Die Trying by Michl

* Maya's POV *

"Hey, have you talked to Josh lately?" I ask Riley as we walk home from the subway station.

"No, why?"

"He hasn't returned any of my calls or texts in like a week. I'm getting worried."

"Did you try his visit his dorm?"

"I don't want to seem clingy."

"Hm," Riley says. I can tell by how she's looking around that she's still a little uncomfortable about the idea of me and Josh together. I can practically see the wheels in her head turning as she tries to choose her words carefully. "He's probably just busy with school."

"Yeah, you're right. He's in college," I reply, nodding my head. I pull my phone out of my pocket to see if I have any new notifications.

"So, when do you hear back from Juilliard?"

"Everyone should receive their letters by May 10."

"You're probably gonna get yours early 'cuz you're so awesome," Riley says, nudging my shoulder.

"Yeah, I felt amazing during that audition," I chuckle.

"What about Columbia? And Paris?"

"I don't know yet," I say, looking at the ground. "They're both once in a lifetime opportunities."

"Anything else contributing to your decision?"

I know she's talking about Josh. "I really don't know, Riles. I mean, you wanted to stay with Lucas but..." I look over at her and see her biting her lip. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok."

"I know I shouldn't let people be a part of my decision making, but..." I shake my head. "A life without him..." I can't even finish my sentence.

"I understand," Riley replies. I really wish things went better with her and Lucas. We've spent half our lives together and I know it hurts both of them to go their separate ways.

When we walk into Topanga's, I see someone sitting at the counter and talking to Topanga. He turns around and when he sees me, he turns back around, nods at Topanga, and gets up to leave. He walks right past me, his gaze focused on the door. I stand there with my mouth open in shock. What is his problem? I follow him out the door and grab his arm before he goes up the stairs.

"Hey!" I shout at him. He turns around and looks right at me. "What's wrong?" I ask, shaking my head.

"When were you gonna tell me about Paris?" he asks, his voice cracking. I could tell by just looking at his eyes that he was hurt. The blue color seemed darker, like the ocean before an incoming storm.

"I, I was planning to, but---"

"But what?" he says, cutting me off. "Were you just gonna walk out on me like that? After everything we've been through?"

"That's not fair! You were the first one to walk away." My throat begins to burn like the tears forming in my eyes.

"But I came back! 4 years in another country is an entirely different story."

"Why did you leave in the first place?"

"Because I'm bad for you!"

"Then why did you come back?"

"I don't know...it killed me to be away from you."

I don't know if it's a breath of relief or I've been waiting to hear him say those words, but I calm down as quickly as those words came out of his mouth. I take a couple steps so that I'm only a couple inches away from him. I have to tilt my head up to look at him. I place my cold hand against his warm cheek.